Inclusivity and the Gospel with Brandan Robertson / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

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Seth Price 0:00

What's happening? How are we doing before the regular show, so a minute of your time, in a few weeks, two or three weeks, you will hear an episode that I did with Adam Lewis Greene, who is the person behind Bibliotheca, which is a different version of the Bible. You'll find links to that in this episode, show notes. That's at bibliotheca.co. But I would encourage you to do that, because you'll want to know what the giveaway is. So in that conversation, and throughout the organization of it Adam had said, let's give one of these away to a listener of the show. And that's a big deal like A: it's an expensive version of the Bible of a B: it's beautiful. And C: it has become one of my favorite versions of the Bible, because I see things that I don't normally see that way because the verses in the in the chapters are just gone. So it's like I'm reading without interruption. And I'm not explaining that well, but you'll see what I mean. So here's kind of the rules for entry beginning with this episode and the next two. And so that third episode will be Adam Lewis Greene’s every time that you either rate and review the show on iTunes during this time period, or pod bean, or anywhere else that you do. And I don't know how I'll keep track of those, because I don't get alerted to those. So just let me know that you did that. Every time that you do that, I'm going to go ahead and put your name in the hat for the drawing. The easier way though, and I think the way that most of you will do it is to just share this episode or the next few. And so for those of you that already shared the episodes, congratulations, your name is going to be entered in the hat easily. But for those that don't normally share the show with others, just share the show, tag the podcast, you know, either on Facebook or Twitter, when you share it. And every time that that happens, I'm going to enter that name into a hat for the drawing. And so I'm really excited to see what happens I'm excited to see where it goes. So here we go into that begin regular episode.

Brandan 1:44

The gospel is liberation from patriarchy. That's the entire case (that) I'm trying to make. That from Genesis to Revelation there is a progression in Scripture where patriarchy in the beginning of the Bible is the assumed ordering of creation. And that by the time we get to Revelation patriarchy has been dismantled fundamentally; and that Jesus is the linchpin in the middle of the Biblical narrative that turns the entire direction of Scripture away from patriarchy and to liberation. And so, all of that to say, if you don't understand the cultural context of Scripture, and I feel like everybody in every tradition says this, but it actually takes a lot of work to dig in and do the hard study of the Biblical culture. But unless you do that, you really don't understand the Bible.

Seth Price 2:42

Hello, my family! I'm excited that you're here. I'm gonna make this one short and sweet because to be honest, I'm biased but man I just really liked this conversation. And so I want to, I really just want to get into it. So just a couple quick announcements. Just a minute ago, you heard the giveaway (already happened), do that share the show, do what you can to get the entries. I'm really excited for that to happen. And then next week, you'll hear the interview with Adam Lewis Greene, another fantastic conversation.

It is such a privilege to be able to do this. If you follow the show on Facebook or social media or anywhere else, you'll notice that recently, I, well, I probably bit off more than I could chew. But I went ahead and made a store for the show. And so if there's anything that you want on there, shoot me an email and be like, Hey, you know what I would like I would like to have “this” and I will do what I can to make sure that it happens. So I've made a few things. It is not really my skill set. And so I am sending out ideas to people that know what they're doing, but you'll find links to that at CanISayThisAtChurch.com you just hit the button for store and get yourself whatever you like. I mostly did it because I wanted to have a few of the things there and I figured if I'm gonna go to all that trouble. Let's do it. So give me your feedback. I'd love to have it.

Today's guest is Brandan Robertson. So we welcome him back to the show. Today's guest is a returning guest. And so, gosh, 40, 50 episodes ago, maybe 40 episodes ago, I had him on, we had a conversation about what inclusion looks like. What the gospel looks like, and how that matters when we talk about homosexuality. And today, we revisit that but we really dig in deep and a couple caveats about this conversation. So I intentionally did very little editing, because there is a part about two thirds of the way that I'm uncomfortable with but I needed to stay genuine. So it is what it is. And so I don't want to belabor the point. Really excited about this conversation. Here we go with Brandan Robertson.

Brandan Robertson, welcome back to the show. You're on a list of a small list maybe eight, nine people that people that have been on twice. And so A: thank you for having faith and trust in me twice. But B: welcome back man.

Brandan 5:12

Thanks so much. It truly is an honor and I loved the last conversation and looking forward to jumping into this one.

Seth Price 5:17

Perfect. So I will skip through because if people want to, I'm sure they can go down in the show notes or on the Google and they can find you kind of talk about, you know your story that brought you to the current version of Brandan. So I will save those 10 minutes so (that) we can talk about more formative things. But I am curious what has been going on since last time we talked and the last time we talked was right after True Inclusion came out, which is a fantastic book. I like the way it talked about the Kingdom of God and what that should look like. So what has changed you know in your life, what are the big things that have happened from A to B?

Brandan 5:53

You know, not a ton has changed. True Inclusion came out in September and it is now May. And so I have this addiction of writing now. And we just put out this new books the Gospel of Inclusion a couple weeks ago. And so really this has been a year of talking about this idea of inclusion, both from a Christian theological standpoint. And I have been getting back into my second love, which is this political, social organizing field and I've had some opportunities to be bringing people together in closed door meetings and trying to see how we can work to facilitate more inclusive platforms and policies both in the church and in society as a whole. So basically, just being a pastor talking about inclusion, and seeing how we can spread this message and this ethos of inclusion further.

Seth Price 6:53

So to break apart that tangent, before we dive in. I hear you talking about you know, social and Political behind closed doors trying to make people talk about inclusivity. I feel like that has to be frustrating. Do you find it frustrating? Like, what does that actually look like? Because I think if I tried to do it, with the circles that I try to include, I feel like it would be similar to just running into a chain link fence over and over and over again.

Brandan 7:20

(Chuckle)

Totally. Well, for me, like, I feel like there is this crazy group of people that are called and anointed to use spiritual words, to do reconciliation and inclusive work. And so from very early on, I've had this bridge building spirit. And for me, I think I've done it long enough now; I've been kind of in these closed door meetings with stakeholders on the other side, so to speak, for about eight years now. And this past year has actually been really amazing. And just one example is one of the big projects I've been working on is bringing 10 evangelical mega church pastors into a room with 10 LGBT Christian leaders. And we did that a couple months ago in New York City. And the amount of change work that was done in a one day span was just incredible. That this entire group, you could literally watch hearts and minds changing before your eyes over the course of a day of spending time together. And that group is about to get back together in September, I believe. So I’ve finally gotten to a place where I think we figured out how to do this, at least with these two particular groups. And it's really encouraging and exciting to see change happening. And this, like I said, this “gospel of inclusion” spreading in ways that I hope will actually make a change in people's lives and in our world.

Seth Price 8:48

I'm going to try to overgeneralize that. So you're telling me that when people that disagree, come together in good faith, fellowship together, and try to hear the other person's point of view that people actually listen to each other‽ Oddly enough, I feel like that's what the church should be. So I'm probably over simple like, over simple, simple. I don't know what the word is. I'm over, over reducing—that is still a bad metaphor. I'm overdoing it. But I like that. I like that a lot.

I think if more people did that, there'd be a lot less shouting. And possibly, the world would actually just be better. Talk to me about so your most recent book. So the Gospel of Inclusion is, well, I wasn't really sure how big it would be. Then when I got it. I'm like, well, this is really small. And so I read it really quickly, because I just read fast and then as soon as I was done, I started again. And I know I've said on social media, like I just finished my third reading of it, partly because it's easy to read, but partly because like it's it's addictive. Dr. Gushee at the beginning basically said, you know, like, this is a text that takes a different approach. then most of the texts that you'll read, including some of your prior work, you know of, we're just going to flesh out this out really, really, really theologically. But you take a different tack. So what are you trying to get at with the Gospel of Inclusion, specifically with this piece?

Brandan 10:12

Yeah, for me, I've always hated reading really long books. And so the first part of what you asked, I kind of made this vow to never write super long books, especially long theological books. So let's see how long I can keep sticking to that. But yeah, this book was really it had a two fold purpose in the world. One, I kind of felt like I cheated in writing this book, because it was just my master's thesis essentially fleshed out a little bit more. But this is what I spent three years studying and paying lots of money to dig in and do the research on in grad school.

But it came out of this passion when I realized that as I was trying to reconcile my own faith and sexuality, I really realized that in order for me to do that it required a complete deconstruction of my evangelical faith. That it wasn't enough to change my mind about a few passages of Scripture. I actually was suspect of my inherited conservative theology.

And so I started doing this work of digging into the culture and the context through which the gospel originally emerged to try to see the nuances of what Jesus was actually getting at; who the historical person of Jesus was, and what his message actually looked like in the first century Greco-Roman world. And I realized really quickly, that it's not a stretch to say that the entire purpose of what Jesus was trying to do in his socio-political context was to tear down an oppressive system and show there's a different way of ordering the world that would lead to human flourishing. I think that's one level of the gospel definitely. And so this book, really is my attempt to in a very brief way, show how things like the crucifixion and dig into the layers of meaning that were available there to see how Jesus, even in going to the cross, was performing a symbolic action of deconstruction of patriarchy and hatred of women and that was my goal in this book. (I wanted) to bring the reader to a point where by the end of it, they at least have their appetite whetted enough to begin digging deeper into the Gospels and the message of Jesus and seeing what else might lie beneath the surface that could help us create more Just in general, a more equal church and world.

Seth Price 13:05

So the problem with that though is those books are long books when they dig into that. So I'm sitting here while you were saying that thinking, you know, right, so if you don't want to write long books, but there's enough in this master's thesis, I didn't know it was your master's thesis, but there's enough in here that I think you could flesh it out into a tome. And so all you do is you take this big, huge star on the front, and you rotate it to the left. Just change the cover so that as you line them up, you know, as you finish from, you know, Volume One to Volume 12 it's the full star on the binding of the book. So you can take that you can run with it, they're all short, but you read them together as a huge thing. There you go. I that's what I think you should do. That give it away to somebody else. I don't want it so donated to somebody that needs it let me rephrase it. I would love to have it and I do need it but give it to somebody that makes it more.

Um, so you talk a lot in the beginning. Getting in this comes up often or at least it came up a lot at the beginning of the show for me — a definition of uncleanliness. And so I hear a lot of people say, you know, it's unnatural, it's unclean. People that practice homosexual acts are just “unclean”. And you break that apart briefly at the beginning.

And so I feel like that is necessary because our fear of other is related not just to LGBTQ, it's related to anyone that doesn't look like us. And oftentimes LGBTQ I think is just an easy target. Because culturally it's a target in many cultures. And so it's the one that we can all point fingers at, as opposed to to take a bad metaphor of the NFL like, it's it's the jersey we can route against, even though the teammates on my jersey we don't really look at until I'm done beating the Browns. So how would you definition of what most people call unclean? And then how do you kind of reframe that?

Brandan 14:58

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing is that and I tried to, again very briefly, trace this in the beginning of the book. That this whole idea of clean and unclean emerges in the Hebrew Bible out of a culture in which purity-this ritualized sense of purity-is something that was very important not just to the Hebrew people, but to people in surrounding societies. They had their version of what made them ritually pure and clean. But the thing that we failed to understand even though the Christian scripture the Christian Bible has plenty of writing of the Apostle Paul and Peter, and Jesus himself, saying this way of organizing the world is outdated and it's not true. It doesn't originate from God. It comes from humans. For some reason, we as humans seem to have this propensity to want to create this sense of in group and out group this clean and unclean.

And I think you're right in Western culture at least modern Western culture, homosexuality is easy to use as the unclean. Primarily because I think that a lot of heterosexual people just have this inherited “ick” factor, where gay love, or LGBT sex and love, is something a lot of heterosexual people don't spend a lot of time thinking about. And so when it's brought up, a lot of people's minds jump to that. And it's easy to demonize something you have no experience with and that you find personally unappealing.

And I think that we see that throughout the book, actually, as I tried to outline and in the first century Greco Roman world, there was a lot of separation and demonizing and marginalizing the people based on not just sexuality, but sexual practice itself. What role you played sexually in a relationship was how your identity and values socially was defined in ancient cultures. And as much as we think that we've evolved today, I still think we, in 2019 United States of America, still have this idea in our subconsciousness that says, if somebody is embodying something sexually, that we don't understand, or we don't find appealing that they are unclean and impure. And then we begin adding religious definitions to that and saying, God says they're unclean and impure, and sex and propensity to divide and label in and out. It's just a really powerful way to gain power and organize society. And yet, I don't think it's the way that God created or intended the world to be, even though the church itself has spent so much energy and time and still so much blood, frankly, defending this structure of clean and unclean.

Seth Price 17:59

And so this is what I found myself keep coming back to as people walk through the clobber passages and I don't want to flesh those out A: because we don't have enough time and B: because they're just low hanging fruit that anyone can Google just google clobber passages and just get after it. You talk about its relationship between patriarchy like a lot of those passages are deeply related to the cultural context. And in fact, you quote somebody, and I forget where to find it. You quoted a different person. Come on page…flip for me, Dr. Christopher. How do I say his last name one young? You? Yeah, I did it wrong. Both times. Dr. Christopher Yuan always said, quote,

…context isn't just King it's the whole deck of cards.

But I know that as I'd necessarily, you know, talked with people or read about it. I had never really connected the dots between the patriarchal aspects of those little medical and other biblical passages that people use to demonize people that do same sex form of relationships. How does that relate like so if someone's listening and they're like, Okay, so what does the quote unquote patriarchy because we use those words differently today. I think, you know, feminism, patriarchal, like how do we frame that in a way that as we go back and we reread the text, we're like, Okay, I see what you're getting at here. And then once I see what you're getting at here, why does that matter? Like, what does that change for me?

Brandan 19:22

Yeah, no, totally. I would say that the entire message of the book, at least in this particular iteration is that the gospel is liberation from patriarchy. That's the entire case I'm trying to make. That from Genesis to Revelation, there is a progression in Scripture, where patriarchy in the beginning of the Bible is the assumed ordering of creation. And by the time we get to Revelation, patriarchy has been dismantled fundamentally, and that Jesus is the linchpin in the middle of the biblical narrative that turns the entire direction of Scripture away from patriarchy and to liberation. And so all of that to say, if you don't understand the cultural context of Scripture, and I feel like everybody in every tradition says this, but it actually takes a lot of work to dig in and do the hard study of the biblical culture. But unless you do that, you really don't understand the Bible. And I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, but I sympathize a bit with the Roman Catholic Church in the medieval period, when it had the idea that we shouldn't give the Bible to lay people. Because it can be become really distorted very quickly if you're not doing the deep study that's necessary to understand the text.

Now, I don't believe we should take the Bible away from people, but what I am saying is that it took me three years of intensive study in seminary about one portion of the culture and context of Scripture to a see all that I've begun to sees in this particular conversation. And that opened my eyes suggests how important it is for us to realize, as we read the Bible, what we assume we understand, we should always immediately assume that we actually don't understand, and that there's layers upon layers of meaning.

And so, when you're reading the Old Testament, when you're reading the Hebrew Bible, and you're seeing these copper passages, which say things like,

a man shall not lie with a man, as with a woman, for this is an abomination.

On the surface, you might just take that for what it says, “oh, clearly, this is a condemnation of two men having sex, it's an abomination to God.” And that's the end of the story. Well, there's actually 15 layers of meaning beneath that. And when you begin to understand that patriarchy, which was the ordering of the ancient world, was built on three pillars and those pillars were the oppression of women, the oppression of ethnic and economic minorities, and the oppression of a effeminate men or men that were not living up to the culturally idealized standard of manhood. Those three pillars were how the ancient people in the Near East, ordered their society. And like most cultures, they used religion to justify their bias.

And so they took this culturally defined idea of pressing these three groups of people saying that women, economic and ethnic minorities, and effeminate men were lower than the dominant cultures cisgender heterosexual male. They began to encode that in the writing of Scripture and say, actually, this isn't just our bias, it's God's bias. This is how God ordered the world.

And you actually see it emerge in the Bible, you begin to see it from Genesis Chapter 12. And Abraham setting himself up as this patriarch, literally this leader, over his family and his people. But even from the very beginning, when God appoints Abraham to be the leader of the nation of Israel, he also says, and my actual plan here is for all nations to be blessed through you.

So we see at once, how the Hebrew people, in the writing of Genesis, were trying to elevate this idea of patriarchy. And yet there was this divine spiritual wisdom from the very beginning that was saying, actually, this ordering that you're trying to establish right now is not where all of this is going. I'm actually trying to create a world where all people, all nations, all tribes, tongues, colors, genders, sexualities will stand on equal footing. I think you really have to grasp how patriarchy emerged in ancient cultures in order to begin understanding the clobber passages and anything the Bible says about sexuality or gender identity.

Seth Price 23:52

Yeah, so this might not be a fair question, but you've done much more research on it than I have. So the way that you know the Western culture or just Christianity would use those passages does that also happen in…Does the Jewish current Jewish culture or the ancient Jewish culture do they have the same hang up that the western church does? And B, do the other Abrahamic faiths have the same hang up for the same reasons or not at all? Is that not even really a good question?

Brandan 24:24

Well, it's a great question. And it's really damning to the conservative Christian Western movement, and the Roman Catholic Church, that Judaism has been way ahead of us on these conversations by far. Because, and I think I talked about this, I can't remember whether it was this book or the last one, but in the beginning of one of them I talked about the Midrashic way of reading the text and the way the Hebrew people come to the Bible, is understanding that it has multiple layers of meaning. And that we're not going to take it literally, but we're going to see what it says for us, in our culture and in our context. And so the Jewish people, by and large, have been affirming of LGBT people and our relationships for generations. They've been affirming of women in leadership roles for generations. Now, of course, there are other sects of Judaism, the ultra orthodox for instance, that would look a lot more like a fundamentalist Christian in these ethics. But by and large, I mean, look at the State of Israel who is run by Jewish people who believe in following the rules of Torah. It's also the only society in the Middle East that is fully inclusive of LGBT people where marriage is legal, where LGBT people hold the same rights.

So I would say Judaism as a whole kind of condemns the way that Western Conservative Christians have misused and taken texts from the Bible and not understood their culture or context and tried to apply them in some literalistic fashion.

And Islam is a whole different story, right? It emerges from a patriarchal society, just like Judaism and Christianity. And in the Islamic world, I think you have the best image, if you want to see how patriarchy manifested in the time of Jesus, look at the modern Islamic world, and how in ultra Islamic countries, there is a really encoded patriarchy even in the operating of society today. But I think the difference for many Muslims, in at least the Middle East, there is still the belief that that is of God and that is what God has dictated from the very beginning. I think if you look at Western Muslims, it's a very different story, just like us progressive Christians. I think most Muslims, in the Western world, are open minded and willing to Give up this literalistic interpretation of their Scriptures and start moving towards them anti-patriarchal direction as well.

Seth Price 27:25

I spoke with someone recently and they had asked me kind of my hermeneutic of when I read Scripture. And I was like, you know, I run everything through a lens of Jesus didn't talk much about it, then what do I hear him talking around it? And then how does that kind of informed my heart. Like, you know, I'm gonna err on the side of Jesus every single time.

And so, to talk about like an inclusive lens or an inclusive interpretation, you talk about a theologian called William Webb, positing something, and I wrote this down and I can't read my writing. And so if I get the name of it wrong, correct me. But uh, a hermeneutic of redemptive, no…redemptive movement hermeneutic, something like that. What is that and kind of how does that work? And then how should that change the way that I read Scripture?

Brandan 28:10

Yeah, I mean, this is the thing that I when I discovered it was like pulling the brick out of the bottom of my foundation of theology and everything fell apart. And if Dr. Webb heard me say that you'd be mortified, because he's still a conservative evangelical, and comes to different conclusions than I do by far. But basically,he's not the first but he's probably the first major evangelical scholar to posit the idea that kind of what I've said, from the beginning of Genesis till the end of Revelation, there's a trajectory in Scripture, and that that's what God was always all about—revealing truth progressively over time. And so, William Webb posited that God didn't reveal all truth at one point, but was slowly revealing it. And as God revealed more truth he raises the ethical standard because that's what humanity is able to bear at various periods in our evolution.

And so just the example that I use all the time, an eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth was an ethical innovation in the book of Leviticus, because surrounding cultures taught that justice look like if you killed somebody in my family, it was right for me to slaughter your whole village. Well, the Hebrew people come along and say, actually, our God says, if you kill someone in my family, I can only kill someone in your family. And that was an ethical innovation.

But by the time we get to Jesus, Jesus says,

you have heard it said eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth, I say to you, bless those who curse you, turn the other cheek and love your enemy.

So he raises the standard, but it took 2000 years from the time Leviticus was revealed or 1500 years to when Jesus raised the standard again. So all of that to say it's this fundamental belief in progressive revelation that God is calling us forward and that continues beyond the Bible. And so William Webb posited in his book, Slaves, Women and Homosexuals, that slavery and the equality of women weren't achieved in the New Testament, but that the New Testament was pointing us in that direction. And that the women's suffrage movement and the civil rights movement, took the direction of Scripture, and took it to its logical conclusion. Which was full liberation and equality for women and people of color. Even though the Bible itself doesn't say that. It's the idea that the Spirit of God is definitely pointing humanity in that direction in the pages of Scripture. And he has this beautiful quote that I'm gonna butcher but it's in the book and it's something like, “to stop where the words of Scripture stop on these ethical issues, is to fail to understand the movement in the heart of God”. That God wasn't calling us to institute slavery and keep that system. No, we see from the way that the Hebrew Bible talks about slavery to the way Jesus This talks about slavery, and incredible ethical movements. And we need to move beyond where even Paul gets to, but it's like a big sign. It's an arrow pointing forward. And I would say the same thing you see with sexuality.

From the Hebrew Bible, you see very strong prohibitions. When you get to the New Testament, you see loosening prohibitions, and the way that I would say, homosexuality is not even addressed in the same way that it was addressed in the Hebrew Bible. And in the book, I talk about how Jesus himself in the way he subverted patriarchy in his own life. And the way he dealt with eunuchs and other sexual minorities point us in the direction of assuming that God's heart and God's desire is to liberate and include LGBT people into the life of the church as well.

Seth Price 31:45

So if the trajectory of Scripture and I just want to be real clear, Brandan, I agree with you, if the trajectory of Scripture is basically everything is inclusive. That leads me to question or does lead others to question me when I try to badly paraphrase you. Is there even a role for clean and unclean sin and unsin? Because most of the time, the pushback that I get is if you keep moving the line in the sand, eventually you're just standing in the ocean. Nothing is unclean, nothing is inherently evil.

And so if we're thinking about Scripture that way, and the gospel that way in the the story of Christ in a way that everything is being included and and reconciled, is there still a reason to call anything unclean? Like does that term even hold wait anymore, you know, for the years to come?

Brandan 32:41

Yeah, I think I'm glad you asked that question because I think you highlight a mistake people make which is unclean and sinfulness are not the same thing. The idea of clean and unclean is purely ritualistic, it has no moral connotation at all. It's all about there is a God in heaven who has determined these standards about what is clean and unclean to him. And it's not apparent to humanity. And so we need to listen for revelation from God. Otherwise we wouldn't know what's clean and unclean. It's these arbitrary standards that I think very clearly in the New Testament, Paul says, get rid of this. Peter has his vision and Acts chapter 10, where God says nothing that I have deemed to be clean shall be declared unclean.

Now, that doesn't mean that there isn't sin and not sinfulness. But our understanding of sin needs to move outside of this category of ritualized purity codes and into what is morally right and what is morally wrong. And this goes into a much bigger conversation, which is actually the topic of the next book I'm working on, where I dig into sexual ethics more deeply.

But our whole idea for instance, around sexuality as Christians, so many of our prohibitions are, again, arbitrary. We prohibit premarital sex, primarily because we say it's not pleasing to God. But I think the New Testament abolishes that arbitrary standard, how do you know what is pleasing to God and what is not pleasing to God? Instead, our sexual ethics should be rooted in what is healthy and whole for us because God's desires that we would live hold and abundant lives.

And I think if we started thinking of sexual ethics, that way, we might get rid of some of these arbitrary purity standards that say, sex is only for the confines of marriage alone, because the majority of culture is going to have sex outside of marriage, and it's not going to be harmful to them and it's not going to pull them away from God and it's not going to cause them to live unhealthy lives. That was just the purity idea!

Rather, we should be calling people to commitment we should be calling people to healthy behaviors, and self control. Those are the things that are actually moral; that actually cause you to live a more abundant life. And I think everything we can see in the person of Jesus…Jesus was not concerned with these ritualized ideas of what is good and what is bad. He was concerned with what is right in the here and now what will help people's lives be better and more abundant and in the flow of shalom today, not what's making this arbitrary God in the sky angry if we don't do it. But there's so much there, we could talk for that for an hour.

Seth Price 35:27

We, we could but two things is the book under 100 pages because if not, I'm gonna shoot you some form of an email and it has to it has to be based on the rules, the arbitrary, self imposed rules from earlier.

Brandan 35:37

(Laughter)

I'm trying to get to 175 or 200 it would be amazing just like something that makes me look like a legitimate author, but other than that…

Seth Price 35:48

Alright, so that's the first thing second thing when I hear you say all that, I hear a lot of that, but I'm gonna be real honest. That is a struggle for me because I have two beautiful daughters and when I hear you talking about that, like they're small now, but they won't be in a decade. And that thought, just the thought of it is terrifying. But like everything of my faith over the last decade, it's also been terrifying. Like, I'm, yeah, there's so many places my brain goes, I’m just gonna put it that way that makes me uncomfortable. But usually when I'm uncomfortable, I grow. But that terrifies me.

So what would you say to a dad like that's listening to that right now? That's going alright. Yeah, I actually ordered your book, I was going to read it Brandan. And then I'm hearing you say that this is okay. Or I hear you say that you're researching, I think, what do you say to the person in the background? That's like, you know, eyebrows going up? What did you just say? I feel it you talked about earlier, you know, talking about the Roman Catholic Church might get you in trouble. I think that one might more. So what I will do, how do I assuage fears a bit, and I say that, personally.

Brandan 36:56

Yep. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to calm anyone’s fears because what I'm going to say is why why do you feel that way? Like this is a deep dive into our spiritual psychology now because it's we've inherited culturally and religiously patriarchy. Like this idea that sexuality needs to be controlled and confined, is literally the way the church keeps power. This is literally the way, right now we're watching, the evangelical churches gain influence in this country because the Trump administration, for instance, has all of these policies that are anti-trans pro abortion, these are all sexual questions. This is how patriarchy works. And I believe patriarchy is antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And so when we begin to have these fears, I always say when fear arises in us, we know we're not moving from a place where God is because I really do believe the presence of fear is the absence of God. I think we're not moving from a place of love and liberation. And that's not to condemn you or anybody else because I have those same impulses of fear. But the question is the call to deeper reflection, why does it make us feel uneasy to think of, for instance, your daughter's being in relationships that might not be marriage relationships, but they might have intimacy with somebody else? That's a hard question for a father, or anyone, to begin to think about. But it's also reality. It's also what happens for most people in our culture today.

And so I just think that's the call to begin rethinking and reforming because it's just what is happening by and large, almost every survey and study shows that a majority of people will engage sexually outside of marriage. And if you asked the majority of those people if they experienced a broken heart or if they are feel like an unclean withered flower, all the other bad youth group analogies that we were told, and it's just not experientially true.

And so, if our theology I say this all the time, and I think I said it on the last podcast, if theology and reality don't align your theology is the problem, not reality. And there's something really wrong with the way our patriarchal sexuality doesn't match up with what people actually experience in their day to day lives. And that, for me, is what I want to explore. And like I said, I'm at the very beginning stages of writing this book on sexual ethics, but it's definitely worth exploring because experience says that our theology is wrong on this.

Seth Price 39:39

Well, I think and I don't know why. So I've had this conversation at a high level with friends of mine that are in my peer group and age group. But I've never actually and I don't know why when you said it, like, I inherently thought of my kids, probably because I'm right underneath her. And that you're right. It is more about me, and I don't know what that is. Probably won't sleep tonight. And so thank you.

So, I asked Serene…Serene? Gosh, I can't think of her name right now. Jones, yeah from Union Theological. You what what the things are that matter for seminaries that are training pastors for the for the coming years. She didn't necessarily list that one, but it's definitely on the list, you know, LGBTQ concerns, the way that we treat others, you know, immigration. But also, you know, the view on marriage matters and premarital sex also matters. But I think for me, it hits too close to home. And so from there, I'm going to hit pause, and I'm going to pivot back to your book, because I am if you could see me, I'm squirming.
And I'm not going to edit any of this out because I'm going to try to be as transparent as possible.

So there's a chapter, I think it's chapter five, leveling the ground in a moment. To quote you a bit here, if that's all right, so you talk about

Jesus's very behavior and social position within the Roman Empire also would have caused him to be viewed as feminine when contrasted with the citizen men of the Roman Empire.

I've never heard anybody say that. And so what do you mean by the way that he postures himself, the way that he presents himself, the way that he I would argue preaches presents him in a feminine mentality. Because then you go further and talk about the crucifixion as a form of emasculation, which is also something I've never really broached. But when I read it, I found myself nodding like, yeah, this makes sense. I've never heard this before. But yes, this makes sense.

Brandan 41:41

Yeah. So that's my favorite part of the book, and not to toot my own horn here, but I think like that's the part I'm proudest about. Because I began to discover that this is deep in the scholarship and I like that part of the book the best because I quote so many amazing people who say groundbreaking, mind blowing things. But again, understanding the culture that Jesus was in. Once you begin to unpack it, you're like, this guy was really radical! Like not just in some weird political way, like, the way he lived his life would have caused anyone who saw him walking down the street in the Greco-Roman society to raise their eyebrows and say what is this freak doing! He's different. And it's the Jesus, the way he held himself. First of all, as somebody who preached against Empire period, that enough is to say he's anti-status quo. He's anti-patriarchy, because he called out the powers that were in the powers were all cisgender men who tried to be sexually dominant.

Jesus, as far as we know, unless you're Dan Brown and The DaVinci Code was unmarried. Jesus spent his life calling men away from their families to follow him calling women away from their families to follow Him. And the way he presented himself in the Empire calling for the deconstruction of power structures, that posture itself is feminine in Greco-Roman consciousness. Because in the Greco-Roman world again, your status in society was literally tied to what you did with your penis-to put it very bluntly. And if you were going to be a powerful, influential, person in society, you were a dominant sexual penetrator and also a militant penetrator, you would have fought in the Army or at least been in high powers of government that would have allowed you to have penetrative influence over society.

And Jesus was not that. He resisted that, in fact, he hung out with the people that were the worst of the worst in Roman society. And I think something I didn't spend a lot of time in the book looking at, but it's worth deep deep study for anyone interested in this, is how Jesus when he speaks about and hangs out with eunuchs, eunuchs are the worst of the worst of the worst in Roman society. Because these are men, who either by choice or as a punishment or by birth, gave up their ability to use their sexual organs in the penetrative way which was what made you powerful and manly in the Roman Empire. So these were men who literally became lower than women in the status quo of the Empire.

And Jesus comes along and says some amazing things about eunuchs becoming eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom and being first in the Kingdom. Like that kind of language would have made Jesus, and this is not meant to be a shock jock overstatement, like a radical queer theologian in the midst of a Greco-Roman society. You don't say that about a eunuchs and you don't identify with a eunuchs. And we could keep going down this path I actually think Jesus, the crucifixion aspect, is actually where Jesus most profoundly becomes an image of somebody who's emasculated and queer and in solidarity with women and people of color and LGBT people, But in his life, he definitely used his position of privilege as a male and he gave up a lot of that privilege that society would have bestowed on him, if he would have allowed it.

And Paul's the great example, as the last thing I'll say, of somebody who even as a Jewish person used his patriarchal power in his life before Jesus, and he was a dominant male who went around killing and had the blessing of the Empire and the religious establishment. And then when he comes to find Christ, lots of scholars would assume that the Apostle Paul may have been married and he left his wife and that's a whole…I'm opening up so many cans of worms there…and went and followed this celibate rabbi which is such a queer thing to do.

Seth Price 46:08

You said there's a last thing to say but I'm gonna ask you to say more. So how is the cross then, how is the crucifixion itself an emasculating symbol? Basically so if I want to, if I'm going to oversimplify it, like the cross for me would equate to a public lynching…you know, 60-70 years ago here in America. So how do those two emasculate?

Brandan 46:39

This is the stuff that really got me jazzed because it's so so eye opening. The information about the cross is always right in front of us like this is not hidden deep knowledge. But nobody ever told me this and it makes so much sense.

The reason that cross was such a profound, and horrific, means of execution was not just because it was a painful way to die. But if you read the crucifixion account of Jesus, it actually mirrors what they did to anyone who was crucified. From being stripped down naked before the council that was judging him and being mocked and dressed in feminine clothing; which was this robe that they put on him in this crown of thorns. This whole process, this whole drama is literally meant to be taking the masculinity away from the person they're about to crucify.

So they're taking Jesus from being a man to being less than a man parading him through the city as this powerless. The word that Diana Swancutt uses, they took this man who was being proclaimed King of the Jews, and they made him a “queen”. Like this idea that he was this powerless little thing that the Empire was penetrating with its power, and then they put him on the cross and the reason Romans used nails was because in this hyper patriarchal culture penetration, it was all sexual. It was meant to symbolize that he was literally being to put it crassly raped by the Empire, that they were dominating him. And so Jesus goes to the cross and is pierced in his hands and his size and his brow. And this is all symbolic of him being destroyed by the Empire-emasculated.

And the other thing that was really eye opening is that every account of crucifixion outside of the account of Jesus, it's really clear also that the Empire physically raped the person they were about to crucify. And when you begin to think that Jesus likely was physically raped by the Roman Centurions before he was crucified, that adds a whole other layer to one: how profound the love of God is for abused and for those for survivors of sexual assault. That God in the flesh, the incarnation of God, literally was put through some of the most horrific forms of abuse that has also been perpetuated by the church, by the way. That our, our Savior went through that. That's profound! And it also says something when we believe in our theology that Jesus undertakes this willingly. That's the power here.

That Jesus goes to the cross, knowing that he's going to go through this emasculating process, and he does it willingly as the act of Salvation. And if that's true, then the resurrection is the ultimate subversion, and victory, and the humiliation of this entire patriarchal system. The most powerful empire that ever was tried to crucify Jesus tried to emasculate him with their patriarchal power and the risen Christ comes back still penetrated still bearing the wounds as the Risen victorious lamb. Not through crucifixion, not through dominating his enemies, but through the power of forgiveness, grace, and love. And, again, there's so much I could dig into that, but it's just such a beautiful, profound image.

Seth Price 50:19

I want to push that further because as you're talking in I think this is in the book, I'm certain that it's not. So how then does that feminizing of Christ relate to you know, at Easter which we all will Christians celebrated recently…I'm not entirely certain when this will air. Where you know, you have if it weren't for women, you know, the gospel, you know, that it's the women that are coming to get the disciples and the Apostles it's the women that are yelling out, no, come and see, like, it's, it's empty! So, how do those two relate that, you know, that the Empire has, you know, feminized him and then it's the matriarchal voice that pushes it forward.

Brandan 51:02

Yeah, I actually have not really thought deeply about that. But it is really a interesting thing to think about. As Jesus is emasculated, it makes sense on one hand that the men would be more afraid than the women. And so the men leave Jesus at the cross and go and hide. nd it's his mother and Mary that are standing there weeping watching this happen. It says something about the power of femininity. It's a beautiful statement about men not being always the most powerful or the ones that are the bravest. But like you said, it was the women who stood by Christ at the cross. It's the women who took his body to the tombs. It is the women who were there when he rose again. And he rises again as Christopher who I quote in the book says, the image of the Lamb of God in Revelation risen is this beautiful image in the ancient mind of masculinity and femininity in perfect balance because you have the penetrated and pierced one but also the one standing in dominance and victory. And I think that's what God desires for the church and for the world. This equality and balance and equilibrium of masculinity and femininity as culture and sexuality all standing equal in the beauty of diversity.

Seth Price 52:23

Towards the tail end of your book and a promise I'm wrapping this up Brandon. So towards the tail end there is appendices after appendices. I think there's three appendices. I like those because as I read through them, like, oh, I've read some of these before. And then I realized we're just different things that you'd written in the past that all kind of feed into this. But I found some of the logical questions that I would have more easily answered there.

But something that I didn't see or I missed, or I glanced over, and you talked about it at the very beginning, I think in chapter one, or maybe in the introduction of the risk of psychological and physical-but really-psychological harm to those that are classified as “other” as “unclean” as unworthy, as unredeemable by the at least the church in the country that we live in. And so I want to try to end with that.

So the marginalization of LGBTQ and that entire community causes just some massive damage. With suicide and with homelessness and with so many other things. And so for those listening that are like, you know, I can do better in my church, I can do better in my community. I can do better in my family, possibly, depending on who's listening. Where would you send people to that to try to do better because unfortunately the church always seems to follow way too slow. Like we're being guided by the Holy Spirit. We're definitely not listening. We're being dragged, but we need to be leading this. So how do we begin to repair the psychological harm that our culture, that our proof texting in our literal flat reading our “Flat Stanley” reading of the Bible has caused?

Brandan 54:02

Yeah, that is a good and important question. I think you said something really profound and it's something that it's hard to see from the inside of the church. But it really God always, I think God gives the the message to God's people first. And the pattern that we see throughout the Bible and in the modern era, is that God's people generally reject the message and it's always the outsiders or the unclean, so to speak that get it first. And I think culture has is doing far more and far better than the church at reducing harm and addressing psychological damage. And because of that, most of the resources that exist…(call drops here with a loud clatter)

Seth Price 54:57

(ringing Brandan…humming)

Brandan 55:00

Hello…

Seth Price 55:01

I lost you.

Brandan 55:00

How long ago did you lose me?

Seth Price 55:02

Well, it sounded like your phone literally dropped to the ground. The last thing that I heard was because of that most of the resources that we have are outside...

And then it sounded like glass shattering. So I hope you didn't drop your phone.

Brandan 55:18

(Chuckles) No, that was must have been…it's the judgment of God coming down.

(laughter from both)

Seth Price 55:26

Okay, (still laughing) are you able to…(still laughing) are you able to pick up where you left off there?

Brandan 55:30

Yeah, most of the resources that exist, are outside of the church. It's organizations like the Trevor Project in the Tyler Clementi Foundation, and Faith in America and GLAAD these organizations are doing great work to receive the youth that we're pushing out of the church and that are being rejected from families and they're giving them resources that they need to heal and find restoration and renewal. So I would definitely point people, first and foremost, outside of the church, to things that are actually going to help the psychological healing of LGBT youth and LGBT people in general that have been hurt by the church.

But for those who are within the institution, for evangelical people in general, I would say the most important first step that you can take and that you need to take to reduce harm is to begin by changing your rhetoric and posture. There are some things that we just cannot say and cannot preach and cannot believe anymore because they're so discredited; they're so untrue. And certain ways of posturing ourselves, the fruit that it bears is just too clear, it's damage, it's death.

And so those things are, we've got to stop telling people that their sexuality or gender identity is a choice and that having a queer or different sexuality or gender identity is fundamentally broken or an abomination. You don't have to change your theology and believe all the crazy heresy that I said on this podcast, you don't have to ever embrace that. That's fine. But stop telling people that their sexuality is something they can choose or not choose! Because the distress that causes in somebody's mind to know that they're not actually choosing this, and yet, they're being told they need to stop choosing it, that creates such a cycle of despair, that leads people down the path of self-harm, self-hatred. And not only does that cause them physical and psychological trauma, that makes them not want to buy into this whole Christian thing because, again, experientially they know it's not true. And like I said earlier, when your theology and reality come clashing together, it's the theology that needs to change.

So I would consider it a victory for all of my work is if we could just stop getting Christians to stop telling LGBT people that their sexuality, their gender identity is fundamentally broken and that it's a choice. If we get rid of that rhetoric I think we would see such a decrease in hostility between our two communities. Because LGBT people, and gay Christians, the reason that so many of us are so afraid and so against so much of the church is because they keep saying these things that we just know, that the world knows are fundamentally untrue, and are causing harm. And if the church would just take a few steps to change its posture and tone and heart. I think we would have a different conversation moving forward.

And so that's what I would say. And then, like I said, point people to resources that are outside the church that are really helping to bring healing and hope to LGBT people.

Seth Price 58:56

Yeah, yeah. Good. Well, where do we point them to get to you now the book is everywhere and it also be in the show notes from I believe is it is it cascade which what's weapon stock, but it's the same thing. But how do they get in touch with you? How do they hear you preach? Because I'll be honest, like when you get on Twitter or not Twitter when you get on Instagram and you preach like, I just I'm sucked in like, I just lie. I like to hear you preach. So how do they hear you? How do they get connected with you and some of the stuff that you're doing?

Brandan 59:22

Yeah, well, if you go to BrandonRobertson.com; I have links to the church website where we have YouTube, all my sermons and books and blogs and all of that fun stuff. So that would be the best way.

Seth Price 59:37

Perfect, perfect. Well, thank you again for coming on. We're gonna have to do it again.

Brandan 59:43

Yeah, I would love to.

Seth Price 59:45

Next time though don't scare me. Don't scare me.

Brandan 59:46

I’ll try not to and thanks for staying up late. I hope you can get some sleep tonight. (laughs)

Seth Price 1:00:01

I've really struggled with how to in this one really have. And so I just want to say, just very little words, but the issue of homosexuality is not going away. Gender binaries is not going away. The way that we view sex is not going away. And human diversity is full of such a wide range of things that are loved and beautiful and created by God. I really hope you enjoy today's conversation. If you have not yet consider becoming a patron supporter of the show. I'll talk with you all in a week.

Talk to you soon.

Bye.

Reclaiming Hope and Love with Darren Calhoun / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Seth Price 0:00

What is happening? How are we doing before the regular show, so a minute of your time, in a few weeks, two or three weeks, you will hear an episode that I did with Adam Lewis Greene, who is the person behind Bibliotheca, which is a different version of the Bible. You'll find links to that in this episode, show notes. That's at bibliotheca.co. But I would encourage you to do that, because you'll want to know what the giveaway is. (It already happened)

So in that conversation, and throughout the organization of it, Adam, it said, let's give one of these away to a listener of the show. And that's a big deal like a: it's an expensive version of the Bible of a b: it's beautiful. And c: it has become one of my favorite versions of the Bible, because I see things that I don't normally see that way, because the verses in the script and the chapters are just gone. So it's like I'm reading without interruption. And I'm not explaining that well, but you'll see what I mean.

So here's kind of the rules for entry beginning with this episode and the next two. And so that third episode will be Adam Lewis Greene’s every time that you either rate and review the show on iTunes during this time period, or podbean, or anywhere else that you do, and I don't know how I keep track of those, because I don't get alerted to those. So just let me know that you did that. Every time that you do that, I'm going to go ahead and put your name in the hat for the drawing. The easier way though, and I think the way that most of you will do it is to just share this episode or the next few. And so for those of you that already share the episodes, congratulations, your name is going to be entered in the hat easily. But for those that don't normally share the show with others, just share the show, tag the podcast, you know, either on Facebook or Twitter, when you share it. And every time that that happens, I'm going to enter that name into a hat for the drawing. And so I'm really excited to see what happens I'm excited to see where it goes. So here we go into that begin regular episode.

(again…already did the giveaway)

Darren Calhoun 1:43

As pastors as church leaders, you're on pedestals. People expect us to have answers people look to us and sometimes we we think we're supposed to have all the answers and to be able to point to Scripture or verse to respond to everything with the Bible. But the reality is that we don't know at all. And even the Bible says, you know, this might be my King James coming through, we see through a glass darkly, we don't have the whole revelation. And while I'm convinced that our sexual orientation doesn't change there's still a lot of conversation about how do we respond in healthful and faithful ways to our sexual orientation? And that's the part where instead of saying, you know, I don't know let me ask someone, let me look, let me research, where we don't. And so I would say it's really important for pastors and church leaders and parents to be reading books. You know, you mentioned Brandon Robertson, Justin Lee, Matthew Vines. Folks who have been writing amazing works on this and who have organizations like the Reformation Project like Q Christian Fellowship, places where people are coming together specifically and healthfully to talk about this.

Seth Price 3:06

My family Welcome to the show. This is the Can I Say This At Church podcast, I am still Seth, and so I am still your host. Thank you for downloading. Thank you for being here. I am really excited for you all to hear today's conversation. But before you do, we have to do the obligatory things because I'm going to keep asking until you all keep doing it. I see the numbers of the downloads. And I know that most of you haven't rated and reviewed the show on iTunes, please do that. Those ratings help. And I personally love to read (them) you can just click a star, whatever star you want…one star five stars, it doesn't matter. Well, it does matter! But you know what I mean…But when you type your comments on the show, man, they blow me away, they're just so encouraging. Most of the time. Sometimes they're not. They're just so encouraging and so if you haven't done that, do that.

I would also beckon you to consider; so I recently have upgraded software for the show. And that has come in large part from the support of our patrons. And so the next thing on the list is a mic. I record every single one of these on like a $34 mic that I got off Amazon, which requires quite a bit of work to make it audible. And it's okay, I'm happy to do the work, but I would like it to sound a little better. And so that's next on the list for the years to kind of upgrade some of that, and then have other bigger things on the horizon. So consider becoming a patron of the show.

So over the last few months, for those of you that follow me on social media, you've seen the way that I talk about worship and the way that I talk about inclusivity in all manners and forms. And today's conversation is going to delve into some of those topics. And so I spoke with Darren Calhoun who is a lot of things but what I love that he is is genuine. And his story one that needs to be heard and told. We just scratched the surface of today's conversation. And we talked about conversion therapy. We talked about homosexuality in the church. We talked about liturgy, and reclaiming songs that were used once to oppress. We talked about a lot of things. So I really hope that you get something out of today's conversation. And if you do, please let me know. So I present to you this conversation that I had one afternoon with Darren Calhoun.

Seth Price 5:43

Darren Calhoun, thanks for coming on to the show, man. Thanks for making time. I know I think I originally asked you if you'd be willing to come on, I think like Thanksgiving, and then I forgot about it till January, and then I dropped the ball again until recently. So thank you for being patient with my lack of planning. I quickly realize that if my wife is not involved in the calendaring, it just doesn't happen. So I'm glad that both of us finally found a place to make it work. But thanks again for being here.

Darren Calhoun 6:09

I'm glad to be here.

Seth Price 6:11

I feel like well, so for past and prior listeners of the show, you're in a band or worship group or musical group. I'm not sure what the word is called The Many. And so for those listening the music from Nicole on Fat and Faithful that was well, I don't think the voice was yours. I think the voice was probably Leonora. I could be wrong, but because you don't have a female voice…

Darren Calhoun 6:39

I don’t!

Seth Price 6:40

but um, maybe you can hit a falsetto.

Darren Calhoun 6:41

There are parts with Lenora and on the song you're hearing you're primarily hearing Hannah sing.

Seth Price 6:46

Lenora, I'm sorry that I got your name wrong. But I would like to kind of put this conversation in perspective, a way that I always like to start is kind of just tell us what matters about you like so. If you were to drill back, and we've got as many minutes as you want to take, what makes Darren tick? Like what has been impactful for the person that you are right now?

Darren Calhoun 7:09

I mean, we could go way, way back, man and look at the circumstances of how I was born. I was a preemie, and the doctor said he is not going to make it until my parents to, you know, make plans either for me to be a vegetable, or for me to just not survive. And my parents had faith that I was going to do that. And they often had to resist doctors and push past all of that. And so now I'm a 6”2’ 230 pound man who's, you know, doing pretty well in life.

Seth Price 7:47

Definitely made it.

Darren Calhoun 7:51

Right. But that kind of resilience and perseverance have always been characteristics of pretty much every story. Where some group, some person, some authority, has counted me out, (and) told me that I wasn't going to make it that I'm not good enough. And that, not to, you know, not to be combative, but to literally say, No! I have a purpose, I'm going to live, I'm going to survive. And so that takes us into all kinds of really interesting places.

Seth Price 8:29

Yeah, take us into few of those interesting places. So since theology is basically the kind of backdrop of this show, where in your life has either the Bible changed meaning or had meaning, you know, that God had meaning or changed in meaning? And then how is that kind of informed where you sit at now with everything. And I guess honestly, at the end of that question, you probably have to say where you sit now, with everything put any of that to matter.

Darren Calhoun 8:57

Well, it's interesting. Um, I grew up in a home that was Christian but we weren't necessarily part of a church. And in my first church experiences I was right away involved in leadership and youth groups and lock-ins around I'm going to say sixth grade, so like 12 years old. And as a young teen, I was leading retreats and youth lock-ins and shut-ins and so forth. But it wasn't until college, that I really started digging into the Bible personally for the first time. And it was because people were telling me that the Bible says that you can't be gay.

And so that's an interesting place to start this personal relationship with Scripture. But it was because of that that I got involved even deeper in ministry. And there ended up being a campus ministry that formed, spent a few years trying not to be gay as a result of that. And really suffering the ways that Scripture and the ways that churches You can be abusive. And eventually it was also Scripture that, specifically The Message paraphrase, that challenged the circumstances that I was in. It was just like every time I see a bad church in the Bible, it looks like the church I'm a part of, and that's not okay. And so the same, the same thing that led me to years of bondage was the same thing that led me out of that bondage and that informs the advocacy, justice work that I do today.

Seth Price 10:34

So when you say, well, not bondage specifically but when you talk about like church as quote, “high in the sky” you know, this bad way of doing church like what do you mean? Like if you were to flesh that out a bit? What does that look like? Because I want to make sure people are listening and I have a few people in mind, actually, that I know will listen, that may in the next few years, be struggling with some of what you just described. They're going to go off to school. I know they happen to be gay, and I know know that there are pockets of our world that are loving, and there other bigger pockets that…well, they're not. And I don't think High School and or parenting, at least not if I ever have to deal with it I don't know how to prepare someone for that. And so, you know, for pastors listening and for people sitting at church like what did that look like? Like what were the telltale signs that you're like, “Alright, this is not healthy”. Like what was happening?

Darren Calhoun 11:26

Yeah, well one of the things that's hard about about seeing this is that it doesn't usually come out in overt and direct ways. The first conversation was, “hey, what does the Bible say about you being gay”? And, it was a Bible study, and that felt good. And I felt like, “Oh, this is something where nobody's just telling me what to do”. But what happens is, or what happened in my case was that evolved into some really unhealthy things around shame. So when, in that space where I mentioned not identifying as gay anymore, this story reached the ears of the pastor who was a part of the church that I joined at the time. And this pastor told me that I should never ever want to talk about having been gay. That I should be ashamed that was ever part of my life, and that should forget it ever happened. And his, well intentioned, but very harmful reasoning was, well, if people ever knew that you were gay then they would never receive you as a man of God. And so it puts on you these kind of unreasonable expectations that your story in some kind of way is a liability. And that honesty and transparency and truth comes secondary to how you're perceived.

And so it set up in me a very deep cycle of shame. (It) set up in me this question of, Okay, I'm a 19 year old who, at 18 is kind of when the campus ministry started at 19 now I'm being ordained as a minister and my pastor just told me that I should never talk about that part of my story. And now I'm feeling the weight of trying to figure these things out on my own. And this pastor never, ever, shared any of his struggles and his failures. He's always pointing the blame at other people. And so that is another thing that kind of happens where instead of listening, instead of being vulnerable about your own challenges and suffering, it's always you just need to be more spiritual—you just need to get it right. And so that it just continues to evolve to greater, greater, greater, and greater demands. These unreasonable expectations.

At one point, my story, I sat down with an elder because I was struggling with this shame that led to a sexual compulsion. And in that church, there was no difference between being gay and having an addictive behavior. It was all “a spirit'“. It was all spiritualized and “I just need to pray more, I just need to be more spiritual”. But the reality was that what they were telling me is not even Biblical stuff. They were saying, if you were really saved, I'd be able to see it in your eyes. And if you really want want to be saved and make it to heaven then you need to do everything that we say, so that you can get rid of that spirit.

And I knew in the moment that what they were saying wasn't Biblical. I had been teaching Bible studies for several years at that point. But I was so desperate for support (and) for help. I want it to be pleasing to God, I want to be pleasing to the people who represented God in my life. And it would be many, many, years before I built up the fortitude to realize that what they were doing was about behavior control and it wasn't about any kind of real life change. It wasn't about anything Scriptural. It was just they were objecting to homosexuality and in doing so they were spiritualizing all these rules and things to do that were supposedly going to help my life but they couldn't even do that.

Seth Price 15:15

I just want to circle back on some of that because I don't know that I've ever talked about it with anybody. So they were basically saying you know, your homosexuality is on par with his gambling addiction and her shopping addiction and his mental depression and that kids autism or whatever, like it's just something that you're just going to have to learn to cope with and control because you should be able to learn how to control this or am I miss hearing that?

Darren Calhoun 15:40

Um, well there's a few pieces in there. That particular comparison where we compare other quote unquote vices to sexual orientation. We never ever say you need to be delivered from heterosexuality, even though there's all kinds of sexual sin. But we say your whole orientation, every desire, your romantic desire, your companionship desire, your sexual desire, all of that is inherently bad. Which again isn't actually Scriptural. And that you have to get rid of all of that. And then this is where it gets really tricky if you aren't being sexually active with someone a lot of heterosexual people think, “Oh, you've been healed”. Or if you date someone, or marry someone of a different gender, they'll say you've been healed. But they've never accounted for what your temptations are, what your desires are, what your longings are for.

And so there's a part where you get your sexual orientation equated to things like just a “thorn in the flesh” or something that you just have to keep struggling with. But then there's this other side of it, where you're told that no if you're really spiritual, if you really believe God, if you're really a believer, that God will take this whole thing away from you. And that this is where conversion therapy comes in or this is where “pray the gay away” comes in. Where there's some act that you need to do that is going to alleviate you of these issues, and that if you don't receive that promise of freedom are healing, that it's somehow your fault.

And so who cares that they actually can't show that any of this is effective to help people? Who cares if you know the American Psychological Association says that this is damaging to people? As long as you can find that one person to say, “Well, my cousin got healed” or “my friend at work used to be gay and he's happily married with kids”. That becomes the thing that just throws out everyone else's stories and experiences with this holding true to the Bible.

Seth Price 17:52

Yeah. I've never liked when people say that because to me, it's disingenuous... I don't know. I don't have a good command of the English language. It's whatever that is. When people are like, I can't be racist like my cousin married a black person like so of course, I'm not racist. Like it puts all the onus on you or me to do it right or do it wrong, but I don't have any blame in this like, it's you just did it wrong. I'll pray for you.

I don't know much about conversion therapy. And so I recently listened to like a spin off of radio lab. And that Jad Abumrad (Radiolab) I can't say his name. But everybody that listens to podcasts knows who NPR is. So they did like a partnership or a mini-series with a different I think, I think it's called seen or Unseen or something like that. And it talks a lot about conversion therapy. And it has a guy that I guess really started like he was like one of the founding kind of people that was trying to make people change, who now happens to be in Texas. I think he's a blacksmith, and he's been married to his husband for like 15 years.

And he said a lot of things in there. But I feel like I still don't know what conversion therapy even means, outside of like behavior modification. So what does that look like for people listening? And the reason I ask is it's really easy for you know, relatively model of what we think of, you know, “man married to one woman” with a family. I haven't had to put my head in the ostrich sand to know anything about that because it's just never really been in my channel until recently or in my lane until recently.

You know, I started reading like Brandan Robertson and doing this podcast has made people ask me a lot of weird questions, of which I realize I'm unprepared to answer, and that's definitely on the list. What does that even look like?

Darren Calhoun 19:40

Yeah, conversion therapy is a very large umbrella.

It's very popular because of movies like Boy Erased and other movies that are talking about it now. But it's the practice where, either by traditional therapy methods like counseling or group counseling or something like that, where you are doing whatever these practices are for the sake of your sexual orientation changing from something other than heterosexual to heterosexual. There's also the informal practices, which is more of what I was a part of, where, by means of prayer by means of fasting by means of some spiritual discipline, that you would be healed or become heterosexual. The program addict, the therapy route, tends to have more of a name to it. Whereas when you just go to your pastor and say you're struggling, it doesn't necessarily get the name conversion therapy. But it does come with the same promise that if you do this, then you'll be pleasing to God.

And the challenge with it is that like in the United States, there's a very long history of different practices, even performed by our government, such as electroshock therapy, such as vomit therapy. Where because the US government felt that this was a horrible thing to exist, they subjected people in hospitals and medical labs, to these kind of treatments that were supposed to associate your same sex desires with pain or with repulsion. And so you'd be locked in a room for 24 hours, given something to make you vomit, while they're showing you gay pornography.

And that was supposed to change your your mind about this attraction. In less intense ways churches will do things like have a camp where you're around very hyper-macho men and they're telling you “swing the ball” “walk like this” “talk like this”. Even my pastor at one point had preached a sermon. Like, well, don't come to me if your voice is high, you got to put some bass in your voice.

Seth Price 22:05

Yeah, because that's something you can control. (sarcasm)

Darren Calhoun 22:09

Right! And clearly, if my voice had a lower register, then I'd be happily heterosexual.

Seth Price 22:13

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Maybe if mine was slightly higher, I’d have had more hair like it is something I can control? Absolutely. That is disheartening. So they didn't go into the detail on that on that other show that I was listening to, and honestly didn't google it because I was afraid of what I'd see. And then I watched I watched the show called At The End of The Day, based on a recommendation of a friend the other day, I don't know if you’ve watch that movie or not.

Darren Calhoun 22:42

I haven’t.

Seth Price 22:44

Oh, man, it is…trying to find the best way to describe it. So I'm pretty sure everything is like hypothetical. So let's just pretend and I'll pick on my alumni, on my university, because I paid for that, right. So Liberty University wants to buy the place across the way and the problem is, it was willed by Darren to be a sanctuary to this support group. Now the support group happens to be an LGBTQ support group where people can come and be open and be like, guys, I just don't feel right. Like, to make people feel welcome, like I argued to make people do church just in a different building. And Liberty University wants to buy the building, but they can't unless this other organization can't come up with the money.

And so they basically hire a dude to go in and just be in there and try to sabotage the efforts. And it's a moving movie. I actually just watched it not knowing what it was going to be about. And then at the end, I just sat there as I just didn't even know what to do. They don't talk about gay conversion therapy, but there's a lot of suicide and oppression and bigotry.

I'm curious because you have the distinct I guess privilege is the wrong word but perspective is probably a better word of you know, being ordained and being on both sides, or at least being able to see both sides of where everybody's coming from. Do you feel like a reason that maybe some pastors or churches, push people towards washing my hands of you now you go do the work…is because they're just not trained to deal with that? Like I don't want to give them an excuse. But is, is there some truth to that? And if there is, how do we fix it?

How do we better equip ministers to counsel that way? Because I don't think the minister that I had as a youth would have been equipped to handle that but then I never asked him either.

Darren Calhoun 24:37

Right. I mean, a little part of my story is I spent two years living in the church basement in Chicago and another two years living in an old Sunday school classroom in Indiana. And all of these were direct counsel ,or direct instruction, from a pastor at the time. And these were part of the solution that he was promising. At the end of that four year period, I was ready to move back to Chicago and pursue therapy. Because I felt like I was just hiding from what my struggle was. And when it came down to the day (that) I was supposed to leave, he shows up in Indiana has a one on one meeting with me. And I'm explaining (to) him my rationale, my thought all the prayer that's gone into this. And he says, “Well, I just I just don't want you to go”. And when I said “no, I really feel like God is calling me to leave”. Not leave the church, but just go back to Chicago, your therapy. And this is something that he'd been highly resistant to.

Seth Price 25:42

When you say therapy, you mean conversion therapy or different therapy?

Darren Calhoun 25:44

Um, at that time, I didn't know that conversion therapy was a thing per se. But I did expect that if I went to a Christian therapist that they were going to make me heterosexual. Um, and when it got to that that critical moment he finally just say, “Well, you know, I've never talked to somebody who's struggled with this ‘spirit’” referring to someone being gay, and that he was just praying and hoping something would happen if he had me do all these things. Move to this place, pray these prayers, fasting all these different hours.

And it was it was kind of shocking, kind of devastating. Because it was like it is one thing for you to just not know. It's another thing for you to pretend you know, and to send me through all these life changes, including quitting school, shutting down my business, cutting off friends and family. You know, the laundry list of things that happened. And then you go, “Well, I was just hoping to figure it out as we go”. And having never disclosed that.

And it's one of those things where as pastors, as church leaders, we're on pedestals. People expect us to have answers people look to us and then sometimes we think we're supposed to have all the answers and to be able to point to a scripture or a verse to to respond to everything with the Bible. But the reality is that we don't know it all. And even the Bible says, you know, this might be my King James coming through but we see through a glass darkly, we don't have the whole revelation. And while I'm convinced that our sexual orientation doesn't change there's still a lot of conversation about how do we respond in healthful and faithful ways to our sexual orientation? And that's the part where instead of saying, you know, I don't know, let me ask someone, let me look, let me research. Where we don't.

And so when it comes to the answer that you asked about 15 minutes ago I would say it's really important for pastors and church leaders and parents to be reading books. You know, you mentioned Brandan Robertson, Justin Lee , Matthew Vines, folks who have been writing amazing works on this. And have organizations like the Reformation project like QChristian Fellowship, places where people are coming together specifically and healthfully to talk about this. There's even an organization called ReVoice. That is about Christians who are gay, or same sex attracted, who don't feel that they should pursue that as a relational model. And so they're committing to celibacy. And people, they're just trying to figure out, what does it look like to do this in a healthy way, as opposed to a mandated way or opposed to people responding out of fear or something like that?

So there's a lot out there, but because we won't do a Google search, or because we assume that pastors always right. We really hurt people. And people, especially youth, are homeless in the United States, because as minors their families determined that because they're gay, because they're trans, that they can't live in their house anymore. That's the failure of the church. That's where the church has to stand up.

I don't care what you believe about me being a gay man! I need you to make sure there is not a single gay youth or trans youth on the streets. Right now 40% of the homeless population is LGBTQ youth. That's something the church can do something about.

Seth Price 29:30

That’s a huge number. Yeah, I had no idea. That's a huge number.

I've referenced this in a lot of interviews, or in a lot of episodes. One of the favorite things that anyone said was Sean Palmer from Ecclesia, the church in Houston. He basically said you know the role of the church should be you know you draw like a five mile, three mile, two mile whatever the mile radius is and like these humans that live here there are everybody there what do you need? Your mine. Like you need a house? I got you. You need your lawn mowed? I got you. You can't get to the doctor? I got you. Free and reduced lunch you can't afford it? I've got you.

Like, we've got you.

I don't even care if you come to church. I don't care if you tithe here. I've got you. Like you're my responsibility, which is beautiful if it actually happens. What is the, you said that Eugene Peterson's The Message there's some passage in there that the paraphrase like was impactful for you? So what what is that paraphrase?

Darren Calhoun 30:41

Um, so really the document, the book as a whole, it sat in ways and again, the context was I was in a King James only church. And I personally was reading the NIV because some things that just never went well within the church. And then I'm hearing bad interpretation of Scripture that justifies things like violence and justifies things like, you know, “you can never say anything back to your pastor”. But then I'm reading The Message and it was just very plain language in a church that people literally would slip into the King James English when they were speaking at times. Because it was just so much a part of the culture, especially if they felt that they were prophesying or saying something from the Lord.

And so here it is, the Scripture, just speaking to me. And it's speaking, it's reminding me of things that always were true, are always felt like they resonated in my heart. I mean, like, when I think about it, there were some things in Revelation. One of my favorite Scriptures Revelation, I think it's 12 and 11, or 11 and 12, where he talks about they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony because they fear not their lives unto death, which is probably the King James translation of it.

But that was the exact opposite of what my pastor had told me. It was like, don't tell your testimony. His words where the devil wants me full of AIDS and then go to heaven with AIDS. Which again, that's not how things work. And clearly God's not afraid of HIV. But he was twisting these things. And the things he was twisting were not life giving, they didn't result in the kind of behavior change that he wanted. But when I found this idea of grace being really sufficient. When I found this idea that that love really does at the end of the book win! It was like, “Oh, wait, wait, wait, we're going about this all wrong. We're, we're approaching this from a place of fear and place a shame”. And the reality is the God’s like “no, I unashamed and without reservation or fear, love you.” And I just kept seeing that over and over in Scripture.

Seth Price 33:03

Yeah. So you do other things now. So I know that you are an activist. I've followed you on Facebook for some time you talk about race quite a bit. You talk about LGBTQ issues. (I've always struggled to say that I think I talked too fast to say individual letters). (laughter from Darren)

And then you also you know, lead worship like I remember reading an article I think it was in was it Time Magazine, which is a big deal. Was it Time

Darren Calhoun 33:32

People

Seth Price 33:34

People; it's a magazine that like if you're on the end cap like it is in every store in America for any length of time? Yeah, it's a big deal.

Darren Calhoun 33:41

And it was the Sexiest Man Alive issue, not that it had anything to do with that, but I can say that for the rest of my life.

Seth Price 33:46

I would just pick up that it’s “I'm in the Sexiest Man Alive issue”. And you just leave it at that and people can think like, well, what number was he? What do you think? What do you think? mean like top top 30? Definitely top 30!

Darren Calhoun 34:05

Right! Exactly! (laughter)

Seth Price 34:08

I didn't know that it was that one…it's not the Blake one though, right? That's not the Blake.

Darren Calhoun 34:11

It is the Idris Elba one which I also am very happy about.

Seth Price 34:15

Well Idris Elba is a beautiful man.

Darren Calhoun 34:17

Exactly!

Seth Price 34:21

Dude looks good. Like I wish I looked as good as he did. But I don't think it's the way he looks. I just think it's the way that he comes off like he sits I looked at the camera like, can you just take the…just take the picture? I got crap to do! Like there's something about the confidence like I just have things to do. If I could just if I can just go home please that would be awesome. That confidence I think is what's attractive not necessarily the looks so they don't they don't hurt they should make him James Bond. We're on a tangent. (laughter)

So now you now you you lead worship, you write music. I feel like I read that you write liturgy but I could be wrong on that. How has all of that past you know, shaped the way that you do church now? Because you from I understand like you lead worship weekly. And there's something distinctly holy, at least for me, you know when I'm leading worship, and I honestly don't even hear the monitor anymore. Like, I don't hear the people. I don't even really hear the music anymore. Like there's something else there. And that's hard to describe to someone that's never led corporate worship. But I have to think that you know what I'm talking about, like, it doesn't happen every week. It's actually rare. But when it happens, it's beautiful.

So how does all of that past kind of fit into what you do now? Like, and how does it shape what you do now?

Darren Calhoun 35:35

Yeah, so I've always got backstories. So when I was living in Indiana in the place in my life, where I felt the most useless and helpless. The leader set me down from leading Sunday school and leading a dance team and singing on the praise team and balancing the churches books even I don't know anything about finances now. They sat me down from all that. And I felt like a complete failure. And I specifically felt like I'm not useful to God because I can't do the things that I'm good at. Because I've messed up and I'm so horrible because I'm attracted to the same gender. Um, it was in that place of being asked to do nothing that God kind of prompted in me. It was like if you were quadriplegic, and you only have the ability to blink your eyes, that God was saying to me, I still would love that praise from you. That it isn't about how you express it isn't about how big or how, “important” it is in church. But it was like, I just desire to just receive and to be in connection with you, and that whatever you have is important to me.

And so that was transformational for me! I felt like okay, I might be shamed. I might be counted out by my church leaders, but God still desires me, God still is welcoming my praise. And so that actually ended up leading me eventually starting another dance team in Indiana and starting and sing with pricing there but with a whole different perspective. Where instead of worship, and our corporate singing and musical times, instead of that being about, like having the best and, and performing in a way that's pleasing to the pastor, and pleasing to people, it was just like, now God just really wants to just sing with us and dance with us. And whether that's, you know, by yourself in an empty room, or if that's a roomful of people, that there's something special that happens there and that every single person is absolutely invited, not just the people who sing well, not just people dance well, not just the people who can speak well or pray out loud very well, but that literally everyone has something to contribute and that we build each other up in that.

And so when it comes to 2019, and me being at a church that is fully LGBT inclusive, that is that is actively anti-racist working against the structures that perpetuate racism, I finally get to bring my whole self. And it is such a liberating experience and not have to filter. Like, you know, you do a little intro to a story and not have to filter out parts of it because you're worried about somebody objecting. Where I can speak about the moments where God has shown up for me in profound ways, and invite people who've been counted out for those same kind of experiences, to very boldly declare. Even some of the music that we see sometimes comes from churches that are not affirming that are not very welcoming people like me to be in a leadership position. But when we sing a song, and we take it back, we reclaim it. There's something very, very, very powerful about the same words that were used to condemn us and to tell us we weren't good enough to tell us that God has counted us out that we can take those words back and celebrate God with them. It's a form of resistance.

And it is so amazing just to be able to sing words of life. Sometimes Christian music can be so abstract and just so out there, that it could be talking about anything you just never know. But to take some of that and pull it down and to say you are for us who can be against us? Like us LGBTQ people, us people color, us gender expansive folks like us. Who can be against us? Not the current presidential administration. Not the person at your job who's against you. Not your family who said that you were worthless. Who can be against us?

Like that is a reason to declare praise to God. Not just because the mountains and the hills and valleys moved. I love mountains and hills and valleys. But I'm in some stuff right now! And I need something that I can respond to.

Seth Price 40:17

Yeah, so two questions on that. A: so I go to a Baptist Church, and by proxy, that means that I cannot dance. (laughter) And so if I can't dance, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that I'm not disqualified correct?

Darren Calhoun 40:33

You are not disqualified!

Seth Price 40:35

Perfect, because my dancing is effectively swaying to slow music. And maybe dip every once in a while.

Darren Calhoun 40:45

I will sway way with you.

Seth Price 40:46

Yeah. And then I'm curious. So that last section there where you were quoting that sounds like a Chris Tomlin song to me. And so I'm assuming that that's what you're reclaiming. But I'd like to kind of give that perspective. Because you're right like the music on Caleb Spirit FM are way FM or just turn the radio past 92.3 going towards the 80s, and that's going to be your Christian block there. Regardless of the city that you live in, I think at least anywhere anytime I travel if you want to listen to “positive and encouraging”, that's where it is. Um, is that how it is in Chicago those lower ends (of the dial)?

Darren Calhoun 41:21

I have gotta say at this point I do not listen to the radio I curate all my own little playlists on Spotify.

Seth Price 41:25

I'm in the same boat. But if you turn it on, that's where it is. Like if I need something, if I need something that is not Drake, you know, or top 40 on repeat, it's that. wWhich is just a different top 40 but you're right a lot of those songs don't mean anything. And the ones that do are not on the radio. Like recently like I've been listening to an album by Andy Squyres. I don't know if you're familiar with him or not. Like his last album like the song deals with loss and like every lyric in it is intentional and you won't hear any of that. But there's so much searching for God so much welcoming as he's hearing and seeing new things, so much brokenness and so much healing all at the same time. Or like William Matthews like that Kosmos album is like the whole first half is just full of darkness and hatefulness and not fitting in, and then literally has a song called The Gray. Like, I'm just literally lukewarm why I don't even know where I fit in anymore all the way to, oh, it doesn't matter. Like what you were talking about, like, I'm accepted. I'm wholly loved. It's just beautiful.

It's more beautiful than any, nothing against Passion or Mercymes’ version of, you know, maroon five, the Christian version of MaroonV nothing against that. It's just an insight.

Darren Calhoun 42:43

That is an insight! I'm gonna note that!

Seth Price 42:45

I don't know if that's the right analogy, but that's what I feel like like. Not Songs About Jane MaroonV, because that was good (but) everything since then. I don't know if you've heard Songs About Jane, but that album is good. Really good!

Anyway, so how does that then…so for corporate worship, that makes sense. But how do you like what made you want to do music with The Many because that music has a very like definite intentionality to it? Like when I load up that album, I'm gonna put it this way. Like it's not an album that if I want to sit down and just like I'm not going to do the dishes to The Many’s album. Like I'm going to listen with intentionality. And so what's kind of that mission there and its purpose?

Darren Calhoun 43:27

Yeah, and it's the same thing we're Lenora, who writes many of our our lyrics, she did not like being in spaces where it was all “happy clappy” is a phrase Some people like to use, but where it was all these very assured and confident songs? And she was like, but I don't feel assured and confident.

For me, I remember struggling with the idea. I remember there was a Chris Rice song called Clumsy and

I get so clumsy. I get so foolish.

Seth Price 44:10

Oh yeah!

Darren Calhoun 44:12

I remember during my campus ministry days, like when people would be really, really struggling and really growing through, and we were in a church and in a community that was always good, I'm happy. It doesn't matter that my kid just died (cause) I'm blessed. Like we were that kind of church.

But I would like have people alone in my car and then I just I just put the song on and just sit in silence and then they'd be crying. And it was just like, I had to do the secret ministry because it was like, Yeah, I get it. You feel that! And this is something we'd never do in our church. I can't even fully acknowledge that I listen to music like this.

But we need songs that let us lament. We need songs that let us feel the hard stuff. Because it's real, and it's not absent from the Bible we just never ever, ever, ever dig into it because we bought into the idea that we need to look perfect. And that perfection is is having it together when the reality is perfection is actually just being mature about whatever it is that we're going through.

Seth Price 45:21

I forget who it was someone that I interviewed I think it's Professor Soong-Chan Rah actually said like the 60 something percent 70 something percent of the whole Bible is lament. But we just don't really preach on any of that. Like we only we can only talk about the triumph and you know, my God is powerful. My God is this…my God is that. But we're not gonna talk about any of the other stuff because I need you to leave feeling energized so you can go not tip your waiters and then come back next week and tithe again. What are some of those songs then that you've reclaimed? Like that if people heard it? They're like, Oh, I wouldn't have thought about the song from that mindset.

Darren Calhoun 45:58

Yeah, a big one. And again, not that the original authors had malintent…Break Every Chain. That one I think Will Regan originally did it Tasha Cobbs has covered it and Tasha Cobbs is publicly anti gay. I’m just putting that out there. That song is often about oh, you know, you gotta break that spirit of of homosexuality, you got to break it. That's what she literally says and one of her recordings, a live recording of that song.

And you get that message over and over again that these are chains and these are bondages. And for me, that's become a justice song. That's become a song where at the end of several of the Reformation Projects gatherings that we've sung. That we as reformers are going out to break the chains of bondage against LGBTQ people in the world. And we've done it during communion. So to add another layer to it, to watch people who because of their gender expression, or because of who they were loving in a healthy way, we're told that they could not ever have communion if they could not partake in the communion supper. To see them holding up the elements and blessing it for our congregation, to see them going out and giving communion, while we're singing Break Every Chain. Like we're very literally breaking the history of how they've been experiencing church.

And so all of a sudden, it's not about like these, these very vague, “oh, whatever bad thing”. No, this is very specific, and it's going to be ours. It's going to be for us, it is going to be for our liberation.

Because again, that's where I get this idea that some of what we do in worship is a resistance effort. Like we're all made in the image and likeness of God who is a creator who has been pursuing relationship with all of us since the beginning and has not ever stopped doing so. But then we get told that God is all these very limited things. That God is very distant. Even some of our Western ideas about God that God is always up. Whereas if you look in an African and South American cultures, God is down and present in the ground. That changes how we read when God says to Moses, take off your shoes, this is holy ground. Instead of it being like all your shoes are dirty, don't you know it's like no, get in this get get your feet in and get dirty in it. Let it like, completely overtake you! Because you're in the presence and the presence is in the ground. So get the barriers out of the way. It's that kind of thing that I think we have to reclaim, that we have to have to change.

Seth Price 49:02

I want to leech off of that reclaim. So when I hear reclaim, it's an aggressive verb. So, maybe intentionally aggressive, although I don't think you're using it aggressively, like but just the verb or or resist is also an aggressive. Or like, I'm reminded of like, just movies that you see if you know, this person's resisting arrest, which usually isn't passive. You hope that it is, but usually it isn't. Or we're resisting oppression, or you know, like, so how do you be it LGBTQ, you know, resisting a world that seems to be structured, at least currently in America, to not be welcoming or you know, for immigration resist that? Or for you know, racist oppression resist that? How do you do so teetering that line between aggressiveness? Because if you get too aggressive, everyone that might have almost wanted to agree with you is gonna quickly shut the doors.

And so I hadn't planned that question. But as I hear you saying the word resist, like, in the back of my mind, I'm like, “Well, how would I do that”? Like, how do I do that? Because usually when you get aggressive, people just get defensive. And then we stop. We're not talking anymore we're just arguing here. So how would you advise people to do that?

Darren Calhoun 50:21

Yeah. So there's a there's a really interesting thing, especially I'll say in US culture where the activity of the people who are at the margins: women, people of color, immigrants, so forth, the activity is instantly perceived as aggressive. There's studies that have shown that black 12 year olds are not seen or I think like 10 to 12. They specifically compared them in reactions to them to white children. And they found that the black children were not seen as children, they weren't seen as safe, as innocent. Like, all these kind of things, they were perceived as adults, and they were perceived as aggressive. They didn't have to do anything, just their image, invoked this idea.

Seth Price 51:16

So 10, my son's 10. So set him in the desk and then put, you know, a person of a different race next to him and they would just look at the two and be like, he's white. He's passive. He's safe. This person here, he's just not. Like, is that which I'm out or they're like….

Darren Calhoun 51:31

Yes. It’s an implicit bias.

We've unconsciously associated darkness, specifically people who would be raced as black, we've associated that with aggression. And as we look at the different demographics, and so forth, it looks a little bit different. But there is an implicit association that when we do stuff it is considered aggression.

So like a black woman speaking up for herself about the way she's being discriminated against. She's making noise. She's rocking the boat. But in the same scenario a white man speaking up about what he doesn't have, well, he's just telling the truth. He's just defending himself. He's being a good man. Those kinds of scenarios play out over and over and over again.

And so I name that to say that aggression has actually been weaponized against people of color often. That we are literally, very literally, have been subject to thousands of years of abuse and torment and, and disenfranchisement. And then when we just name it, it's “well why are you bringing race into everything”? And it’s like I’m just describing our history. I haven’t even assigned value to it.

So when you name it it gets treated that way. So the flip side of it is, churches also taught us especially in the US, especially if we are white, especially if we're male, church has taught us that things should be comfortable. That the way that we should exist in the world is that we shouldn't really have to think about or wrestle with things. And so our theology, our ways of interpreting Scripture, our ways that we structure our society, even the neighborhoods that we live in, are all designed for comfort of a particular group of folks. And so, even if that means that I as somebody who isn't centered in that in some ways, because I'm still male, so I get male privilege. But even if that means I have to constantly live in discomfort, it's okay. Because, you know, you just got to take that one on the shoulder check or take it on the chin.

But if I mentioned that I experienced something and it makes you uncomfortable, then I'm back to being a problem. Even though it was something done to me and so forth. That you know, another parallel that is, right now we're seeing over and over again, that white people have been calling the police on black people for doing things like having a barbecue, or going to the store, or taking a nap. All things that someone felt it was so aggressive that they needed to call for help, that they needed to call the authorities. That someone needed to control it.

And so what what I'm getting at is the idea that you can look it up as a researcher who's published about right White Fragility, that this uber comfort, and it's not to say no one can ever be at ease, but this heightened or extreme level of comfort has created this thing where we're not used to people disagreeing. We're not used to people speaking up in ways that kind of go against the status status quo. And so it will be perceived as aggressive and many people of color, many LGBTQ people, have advanced degrees metaphorically speaking and how to be super nice to people who are being horrible to them.

But we don't get that kind of consideration in return. And often we have to fend for ourselves as many people like onslaught us with all kinds of things. And then they go, “well, you're not saying it nice enough and so forth!” So it's a lot to unpack.

Seth Price 55:24

Yeah. Let's do part two. Let’s do that…we’ll do part two.

So there's a lot more there; you're right. Like we could probably talk for another few hours about that. And that's part of the danger of unscripted podcasting, like I like to do. Where would you point people to, Darren, as we wrap this up, like, how do they connect with you? How do they maybe connect with some resources that they're struggling with LGBTQ type of thing, or if they want to find a church that is, you know, they can just show up and maybe just worship God?

And I don't know what that looks like outside of you know, protestant church. So I don't know if there are other resources for other faiths or not. Actually now I'm kind of disappointed that I haven't given that more thought until just now. So if you know that, we'll plug that too and then I'll go to it. And then how do they just connect with you? You know, how do they get ahold of your music? You know with intention there.

Darren Calhoun 56:19

Yeah.

So the easiest way to connect with me would be to visit my website, DarrenCalhoun.com And I'm sure there'll be a link somewhere to make that spelling easy for you. I'm also on lots of social media, with the handle HeyDarren. I'm pretty social. I like Twitter and Facebook, especially for me, follow me wherever.

When it comes to resources. I've already mentioned organizations like the Reformation Project, or Q Christian Fellowship. But there's also like in this search to figure out where's the church that you can show up not get a booby trap. When it comes to you being honest about your your gender identity or being honest about who you are as a as a person who's not heterosexual. There is a great resource called church clarity. Church clarity is just doing this work to ask churches, some simple questions. Will you perform same sex wedding? Will you hire women on staff? Would you hire gay person on staff? And we just think that that's something that churches should be clear about? Yes or no. No bias to either side.

Seth Price 57:37

So it's just like a grid. Like we don't care what your answer is. Just what is it! Cool like a census. Basically, how many people live here? Fantastic. Moving on.

Yeah, that's good. That's good. But you're right. Yes, I will link to all those. If you go back to whatever you listen to the song and scroll down to the bottom and the middle of the guest bio section there. All the links are about to be blue. But if you're here, you know how the internet works for the most part, so.

Darren, thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it man. Sorry, that took so long to connect. But I look forward to doing it again, at some point in the future, so appreciate it.

Darren Calhoun 58:10

Absolutely Seth; it was good to talk to you.

Seth Price 58:17

It's not acceptable for people to come and sit down and be afraid to worship and actually be who they are. It's not acceptable for us to ever make people feel that way. And I don't just mean LGBTQ. I don't just mean gender issues, I just mean period. Like it is not acceptable for us to treat people in a manner that they feel unwelcome at a place that they're supposed to feel the safest. And as a church, as a people, and I mean, capital C Church, we have got to do better of leading this not reversing course. We've got to do better of engaging in the cultural context of Scripture. We've got to do better of finding a heart that looks more like love and less like dogmatic rhetoric. And I know that it's hard. And I know that you may lose friends. And I know that you may stop talking to people that you’ve talk to your whole life. But I also know that we're called to love people; and so we have to.

The music that you heard featured today is in part written and or sung by Darren and a band that he's part of called The Many. And so you will find links to their music in the show notes as well as everywhere else; you can get in touch with Darren. Remember to rate and review the show on iTunes and I will talk to you next week.

I hope you have a blessed week.

Apparent Faith with Karl Forehand / Transcript

Note: Can I Say This at Church is produced for audio listening. If able, I strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which has inflection, emotion, sarcasm where applicable, and emphasis for points that may not come across well in written word. This transcript is generated using a combination of my ears and software, and may contain errors. Please check the episode for clarity before quoting in print.

Back to the Audio Episode


Karl 0:00

I think I spent so much of my life and my “career” as a pastor of defending he things that I couldn't be certain about certainly was important, but they were in consistencies. And so spending my life trying to justify what I was certain about. That makes any sense. Defending the Bible, defending my beliefs, but found you know, as Brad Jersak, and some of them would say, a more beautiful gospel that seen through the lens of Jesus said, Love your enemies and turn the other cheek and, you know, all those things. This finding kind of a more beautiful way that's less violent, less retributive, but restorative. And not only you know, have I found that as a philosophy or a doctrine for life, but, but it's also becoming very real in my life, as I said before, beginning to experience life We talked about before real peace.

Seth Price 1:16

Hello, you beautiful people. Welcome to the show. I am Seth. And I want to ask you real quick rate in review this show, wherever you happen to be listening algorithms run the world, not Beyonce, unless Beyonce…you're listening. And then of course, you run the world, which means you also run algorithms. Either way, we have to feed those ones and zeros of the computers that run the world. So right interview the show on iTunes, consider becoming a patron supporter. You'll be one of my favorite people. And I mean that genuinely even though I laugh while I say it. That's true. The Patreon supporters of the show are the people that I often text message, phone call, message back and forth with, email back and forth with and they are between amongst some of the closest people that I know. Early one Saturday, (I) sat down with Karl forehand and when I say early, like 6-6:30 in the morning and Karl and I were both up really early and we had a conversation about fatherhood and about deconstruction and about faith. (And how) our lenses of God are shifted as we get out of our comfort zones, our lenses bend the frames though, the frame stay true. And I'll take that metaphor and break it apart, that frame is God but the lenses that fit inside there, we just see the world in a way that we can’t unsee it. So I really hope that you enjoy this conversation. Karl Forehand, his book that is out is beautiful. It's written from the heart of a father. Enjoy this conversation with Karl Forehand.

Seth Price 3:14

Karl Forehand, welcome to the show, I'm glad that you're here! For those listening we're doing this one early in the morning. And so I'm also excited to be trying something new. My brain usually doesn't work this well in the morning. And so we will see how it works. But, welcome and thank you for making the time to come on, man.

Karl 3:30

Thanks for the privilege of being on your show. I'm a big fan.

Seth Price 3:34

I appreciate that very much so. I'm always I don't quite know what to say when people say that and it's it's a blessing that other people get something out of it. But usually, yeah, it's me therapeutically working through faith just very publicly. But you know, I really enjoy the community that's come of it. One of those is community that I believe that you helped create, Water to Wine community on Facebook, that's become one of my favorite places not of safety but just different thought like, what I like about it a lot is there's not a lot of political arguments in there. It really is focused around let's just talk about religion, and faith, and Jesus, and everything that that goes with which is refreshing to have a place that's really centrally or focused on and stays on point.

Karl 4:17

You may not be able to tell, but there's about four or five moderators that were just members of the group and they try to keep that in check. To make sure it's civil, because we wanted people to have a healthy place to share.

Seth Price 4:39

We u’all are doing it. And I appreciate them moderating it, you wrote a book and the title escapes me at the moment because I know it's gone through a different couple title changes. But I want to talk a bit about some of the themes and some of the topics in that, kind of where that's going. But before that I wanted to learn a little bit more about you and so for probably everyone listening yours will be a new name that they haven't heard. And so I'm curious if you could kind of set the context of, you know, for those that decide to get the book, and I would encourage them to do so. It's written from a perspective that I really appreciate, you know, as a father and as someone also struggling or wrestling with faith, like it's there's a lot in there. It's not an academic level book, this is a “real” book, if that makes sense. for lack of a better metaphor. And and so I want you to kind of break apart you have it kind of what is your upbringing and where you coming from, to create to create the man that wrote these words?

Karl 5:34

Yeah, I was born in Oklahoma. I was raised Southern Baptist and I had a stable upbringing to some degree. However, there's some things I didn't know about that were going on and you'll never recognize those when your kid but especially alot of rejection in my life. It's part of what you see in the book. And when I got out of college and was trying to reconcile that I searched for the community that was closest to what I knew and what I was comfortable with now that would have been Southern Baptist community. And so I returned to that after I got out of college and found some acceptance there and just kind of ate that up about 10 years into my career as a computer programmer. I got enough education to be a pastor, whatever that means, and then kind of plunged both feet in the small town church ministry at non-denominational Bible Church. I pastored, a couple of churches in the meantime, developed a career on the side that kind of blossomed and became productive for me, but also had some success in those churches along with a lot of pain and just kind of a growing and unrest with that certainty, that fundamentalist evangelical mindset. just started having problems with the literal interpretation and there was this type of interpretation of the Bible. And just to grow in unrest about five years ago when I really started to question my beliefs.

The title of the book is Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father's Heart, so as my children began to grow and mature and went I through things with them. The book kind of begins with just my story of us sitting down with my kids, who are all adults now at an IHOP restaurant in the Kansas City metro area when we can finally get them all together. I just realized that not that I don't know, you know, most people kind of have those aspirations of, you know, I hope my kids someday will come to me and say, “Man, you taught me this. And that was so important in my life. And now…”, you know, and those that really doesn't ever happen.

You know, they'll say thank you for this, you know, occasionally, but usually as teenagers and so on, you hear from them when they want money, when they can't find something. And so, as we sat in that IHOP restaurant, I realized not that I was giving them words of wisdom to live by or anything like that. But I realized all of a sudden that they were teaching me. And that kind of you got a process of looking back over the years and looking at my story and see where they had influenced me. And all of that as my beliefs began to change and about two years ago I went through a serious deconstruction of my beliefs. And so all of that's in the book, that's all my story of you how my children, raising my children, is interconnected with what I hope is getting my beliefs to the right place.

Seth Price 9:36

Yeah, I can relate a lot to that, but slightly different. So my kids are not the same age as yours. I mean, my oldest just turned 10. You've probably seen him on Facebook, although I try not to post pictures of the kids too much on Facebook, but my wife does and then she'll tag me to him and then all the people can see him. But I know emotionally, you know, as my kids were born, it caused me to do deal with faith differently. Because the answers that you can give to you know, Karl or Jim down the street or Samantha across the road about God. You can't do that with a kid like the answers just they have to change. And for me, you know, the answers had to change…why? I'm doing this wrong, something's wrong, something can't…it shouldn't be this hard to talk about God and faith but…

Karl 10:24

That's my favorite part.

Seth Price 10:32

Two questions why IHOP and that sounds like a silly question, but why IHOP? Like, is that a family thing? Like, no, this is where we go like Sundays at IHOP?

Karl 10:38

I guess just a comfortable place and we all can meet. We weren't anywhere close to anyone's house. You know it had kind of been a thing before my daughter's wedding we met and IHOP for some reason. I instantly think of Jim Gaffigan talking about IHOP:

I have never hopped out of there. I can barely move

and it's just a comfortable place to eat some comfort food and

Seth Price 11:19

Just catch up. Yeah well, it brought me back. So in college will right as I graduated high school I was involved in a college group at the Baptist Church, the southern baptist church that I was involved in at the time before I went to Liberty. And as we would hang out, we would often like be out and it would be Lord knows what time in the morning. And we just go to IHOP and there would be six or seven of us there literally just being in community with each other. But at IHOP and I hadn't really thought about it until I read those pages of your book. And I just kind of had to set it down. I was like I remember being it. I hop in it with Laurie and with Jimmy with Mario and like he just all these memories came flooding back in. And so it sounds like a weird question, but really with intention like I didn't know if IHOP held a special place. Because I didn't realize that it did for me until I read you're talking about I hope. And you know, honestly, it made me reconnect with some of those people. Yeah, which was great. Like I should call her and see how she's doing.

There's a story early on in your book, where you talk about lessons that you've learned from trying to push your kids to be more and if I remember, right, it's a story about like a football game and your son is that I feel like that's the right story. I was wondering if you can break that apart again, about what changed and how you can see God specifically from the habit of parents constantly, I would argue living vicariously through their kids.

Karl 12:39

Right.

You know, the story is about my son. He played football but always just kind of liked being on the team. More than that, he worked real hard to become a star athlete. He liked being a blocking fullback instead of the tailback that ran the ball every time. And there was a time when he hadn't had a chance to score a touchdown. And I wanted that so much for him and I’ve written a blog about it before. But you know, when you're raising children you think that's part of my job to to push them or help them excel or teach them how to achieve or however you want to frame that. But I was just, it was at that moment, when I knew he was going to get to football. I knew they're going to give them the chance to score a touchdown. It was just a yard away. And everything in me was in that moment. And wanting that for him. And kind of being the typical soccer mom is what I felt like. And all over that event at that time.

But he did get the ball but he didn't score the touchdown. I realized how deflated I was. And you know, it just kind of had a deep impact on me. And I go back to like Bob Goff, who says, you know, what's the real thing that a father does or shouldn't do? And then he talks about the idea of father leaning over to his children, and saying, “what do you want to do today”? And then saying to that child, “let's go do that together”.

And that's, you know, I think that's more of the Father's heart than pushing me to excel or crafting me into some kind of a human being. I think more than anything that God kind of leans over my life and says, “What do you want to do today? Let's let's go do that together”. And that God, learning to see God more as a being that sets with me. And that walks with me more than he's interested in my performance. And of course, that was a big, issue in my life now to have to succeed and accomplish and overcome. Does that make any sense?

Seth Price 15:36

No, it does. It's beautiful. I can relate to it on two ways. So my son today like in a few hours, we'll go play baseball. And, I'm sure he listens to a lot of these episodes. That's a reason I try to intentionally not have a lot of curse words in them. He'll listen to them and so buddy, if you're listening, don't take this personal. He's just not very good at baseball.

But, for the last season, he teetered on like “I don't want to play.” Okay, then don't play because in my family if we start it we finish it. Like, if we do it, we do it right. We don't have to do it again. But if we start this we made a commitment to ourself, you know, to our teams to the family, I made a commitment to taking you and so did your mom. So we started and we're going to finish it.

And like the last day that you can sign up, he's like, I want to play. (and I say) Okay. And really I'm enjoying it. I've tried to intentionally like I don't scream from the stands. I haven't. Because it doesn't matter. Like it's not going to make him change his stance. He's not going to hit the ball better. I've just literally shut up and watch him play and giggle with his friends and run around the bases. And it has been so encouraging. Honestly what I'm learning Karl is how to just be quiet, he's got a coach, so let the coach be the coach. I just watch him laugh. Don't watch him play baseball,. I’m just coming to watch him laugh, not baseball, if that makes any sense.

Karl 17:10

Yeah and part of you being a father is that you can't have an identity crisis. God doesn't have an identity crisis when he looks over our lives. And it's not what we do that makes or breaks it, but for many parents that's that's how we act as I need them to succeed for whatever reason in my life. And that creates an identity crisis in us and we’ve got to know who we are. Does that make any sense?

Seth Price 17:43

That's a big question or up to you but no, it's fine. interrupt me whenever whenever you want. That's a big question. Like, I think you're right, like we need them to succeed. But I don't really know why like the banker part of my brain is I need you to learn to succeed because eventually I need you to Leave my house and you know, be your own father. But I don't actually know why that. I don't know. Maybe there's something you know, evolutionary that…I honestly don't know, that's a good question. I'm gonna have to dig into that. Like, why psychologically? Am I wired to be like, No, you need to, you know, I need you to find your place in this world and then crush it.

Karl 18:21

Mm hmm.

Seth Price 18:22

yeah, I don't know. Maybe that talks more about the way we’re raised, parents. I don't know. It's a big question. I'm writing that down, Karl. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I like walking away. One of the things that you talk about is prayer. Prayer for me over the last two years have been massive, like huge shifts. One of the books that has impacted me the most was Mark Karris. And then I read that in conjunction with Aaron Niequist, and between those two different versions of prayer, prayers becoming beautiful for me, not a not not, not a not a chore, but just beautiful.

Karl 18:53

Right, right.

Seth Price 18:54

And you talk a lot about, you know, moving beyond superficial prayer. So I'm curious if you could break that apart again, I feel like I know what you mean when you say superficial prayer, but I hope that you'll define it for those listening. But then talk to me how you've moved beyond it and kind of how that's impacted you.

Karl 19:11

Yeah, there's been a lot of factors in that I'm one of them. Is that, that Brian Zahnd is my pastor, we attend, or do Life Church, St. Joseph, Missouri.

And he teaches a prayer school where there's more liturgy in that but also they teach a little bit of centering prayer and so on. Brian says prayer, I'm probably misquoting but he says prayer, prayer is not to get what I want from God but it's to be properly formed. So that's that's had an impact on me but also things like my grandson that was born premature last year. I talked in the book about standing NICu unit, and it's still emotional for me standing in the NICU unit and looking at my baby daughter, and her husband stood there looking helpless. And where I thought, you know, thoughts of sin what the heck God! You know, wanting to run out of the room and and things like that.

But then I also wrestled over the past few years with this and I know that you've been in churches before where we say God is good all the time and all the time God is good. And I think what we really mean by that is God is God is good to the extent that he does what I want him to do. And we get caught in patterns like that. But over the past few years in my deconstruction, I think God is, especially through parenting especially; my wife would tell you and she's a big fan of yours, but she would tell you that becoming a grandparent, especially of that premature baby that leads me just have a totally look at prayer differently. Now that it's more like when we're standing in the Natal intensive care unit and just being there. So prayer has become more contemplative for us. I think it's becoming more, Brian would talk about it as “sitting with Jesus” more than lecturing him, or begging or promising or any of those things. It's just become being with God more than demanding something from him. And it's just become a more beautiful thing. Something maybe a little harder to define, but it's good.

Now the best thing when I was writing the book was just when I reflected on just standing in the natal intensive care unit and then just crying. And that seemed like the most appropriate thing to do. And maybe for the first time could see God weeping with me at times in my life, and also celebrating and going through life with me. Just, I think, gave me a little better view of gun to make sense.

Seth Price 22:45

Yeah, it does. (Music)

Seth Price 23:06

I'm curious how does that change in prayer shift for you those in the moment, emotional, responses you know when you're in a Nic you or you know in an argument with your wife or loss of a job or shoot the flooding that's happened you know where you're up there over the last few like a month or so. Like how does having a prayer like that kind of impact the way that you handle those oh my gosh, this is not a good thing type of situations?

Karl 23:35

Yeah, I think it changes. One of the last chapters is about peace Brian, my pastor, ever gives me a lot of advice. But a couple of things he says is “we want to stay on the journey” And the second thing he says is “be at peace”.

And my first reaction was I would like to be at peace, but tell me how. Tell me what to do. But as it's gone on, and I have a little different view of prayer, a little bit different view of God. I think that's what it brings. Now that may sound kind of a religious to just say, “Well, I have peace.” But that's what I find.

When I view God as not retributive but restorative, when I see God as someone that's walking with me and standing, sitting, with me in my life, then I just find peace. I don't have to change the situation right now. I've realized that I was doing a lot of things in my life for money. Including ministry. And taking kind of a different turn. I took two months off and that's when I finished writing the boo. And punching a time clock now for the first time and 15 years or maybe longer than that. I have a name tag and working more earthy kind of an hourly jobs. But with all the uncertainty that that brings a much lower level of income, there's for some reason more peace. And just being able to be there and kind of find a little truer expression of faith than if God's giving me what I want. What are the promises that God has for me and let me see if I can somehow wrangle those promises into my life. It's just a more pure expression of faith, I think to just be where you're at and be at peace. It's a wonderful thing. It's a beautiful thing. But it took me a long time to even get close to that.

Seth Price 26:08

It is a religious answer, but you can hear it in your voice. It's a true answer. And so who cares if it's a religious answer. I mean, it's true. And I agree with it.

Yeah, I know, for me, contemplative prayer has made me figure out how to work myself. It's helped me learn empathy. And it's helped me intentionally be present in situations that I used to the way my personality is I figured out what the room needed and then I did that, which led me have some form of power or control in the room, just from the way my personality is wired. And I often now just let that vacuum exist, although that is so hard. Like when I see what the room needs, whatever the room is, right? And then I'm like, nope, don't do that. Because I find if I let someone else do that they grow, if that makes sense? Like I'll let someone do it wrong or do it differently and find out that I was wrong. But, yeah, so that's what prayer is done to me a bit like it slowed me down and made me better in a community, if that makes sense?

Karl 27:10

Part of my journey and part of what we talked about in the book is the rejection in my life led to me wanting to fit in.

And so I was short, had thick glasses, smaller than everybody else, and all those kind of things and even had, you know, a couple of my best friends to my girlfriends and I felt a lot of rejection growing up. So my answer that was, you know, a religion I talked about, you know, finding the thing that's most comfortable that I could fit into, but my life kind of became about fitting in in every way. But for the second half of my life, you're talking about, you know, reading the room and so on that was what I was famous for the small town pastor was going into a community and adapting to that community and fitting in and being“successful”. And, you know, building a little church, where it couldn't be built, because I could relate to people and fit in. And think as, as time has gone on, and a lot of lessons from my children and things they've taught me about being authentic. And being authentic with them. Being authentic for them, sometimes has helped me to just have a more genuine faith overall and for the second half of life. I think I'm going through right now and that's good.

Seth Price 28:54

Karl, my absolute favorite story in the whole book is the story that you write about going to visit your friend, I believe his name is Tom in Taiwan. And if it's not Tom, I'm sorry, but I think it's Tom. And just, you know, the tea shop and how that was a reflection of, you know, service and community. And so I really would love if you would just kind of share that with us; not in full because people need to buy the book. But just a bit of the themes of that like that is literally the favorite story of the entire book for me, like as I read that I read it again, I read it again, just really love it a lot.

Karl 29:28

That's a chapter in this book it's also at the end of that story. There's a lot of lessons I learned from him and it's (had) quite an impact on me. So this my second book that I don't know when that's coming into the future, but it's just about that tea shop. It came about when our host who always hosts us over there she we asked her if we wanted to buy a tea pot or a cup for our daughters. And some, she took us to tea shops and we were just expecting to find that tea pot get on and get out, like a Walmart type of thing. But it turned into kind of an hour and a half long adventure where the guy serviced us. He found out that we're plant based so he fixed us this meal. And I think it just did a lot of things like teach me about presence about just being there, soaking in the moment, learning from the moment and being with that person. Spending time in community but also the guy was probably a Buddhist and we didn't talk about religion. I didn't need to convince him of anything. I didn't need to evangelize him. So just a ton of lessons from a person who, you know, we really kept asking the host, “what's his name?” What's the name of the tea shop? And nothing really had a name nothing had anything normal to it, but it was just one of the greatest experiences of my life. And I walked away from that moved by genuine ness of this person. The deepness of that experience, it's really, really hard to explain and took me a whole nother book really to really unpack it.

Seth Price 31:24

Have you started that book?

Karl 31:26

Yeah.

Yeah, it's, pretty much finished but hasn't been edited or anything. Yeah, just you know, marked up by an editor yet.

Seth Price 31:36

My favorite part of the story is two things. So there's you and your family in a new place, doing a new thing, kind of wondering what's happening. And then my absolute other favorite part is, and I'm reminded of so many stories in the Bible and other cultures or you know mission trips that aren't glorified vacations. You know, where you're in a culture, right. The community that you're with (that) you can't speak with. But there's something at an emotional and human level. That, “oh, I see what you need. You need to just be here. Let me go get you something”. Here's what we do here when we just want to sit and be in presence with one another. And what I like about is there's no expectation of knowledge having to be transferred. There's no expectation. There's no words that need to be said here. We're just going to sit in presence with one another. And we're gonna have some tea. And I'm going to show you how a small I'm just gonna show you a small little bit of service… serviceable…service…no, that's not a word…of love through an act of service. You know, that's what I really liked about it like it just as I’m reading. I'm like, Man, this is really good because there's, there's no expectations from either there's only a surprise and joy.

Karl 32:50

He was deeply interested and making me happy. And, you know, he already had my money for the tea pot. And he had completed the transaction but he was deeply interested in making me happy and kept trying to find the all these things and sunflower seeds and things he thought I would like right share some liquor. It was kind of Taiwanese and…

Seth Price 33:17

How strong was that?

Karl 33:20

It was incredibly strong.

Seth Price 33:21

He probably did that. So you'd stay longer. He doesn't want you to walk away!

Karl 33:25

I guess, but that they told me it was kind of a holiday liquor and they don't usually serve it to foreigners. So everything was the specially wrote characters for me and is kind of telling the story of us but no one could really understand what he was writing, but everything was just deeply touching. The second book, hopefully we call The Tea Shop and unpack all that. So there's so many lessons from one one night.

Seth Price 33:56

There's a chapter in which you talk about military service, I can’t remember the name of the chapter. And I'll quote you a bit here if I can find the right words here. So here's what you said. You say you say

“I thought that it seemed logical to consider”…

and the reason I bring up military service is that's the culture that we live in now, and that's going to be the conversation for the upcoming years. You know, as we get closer to the election, this that and the other, there will be a few tentpole things and the military is always one of them. Because that's what we spend money on as a nation like that's what we deem as important. And so you say

I thought there was it seemed logical to consider military service as a way to avoid the cost of sending a kid through college. And as a side benefit, it would teach them some discipline and thought.

And then you say,

Laura, my wife had a different opinion. For her the military represented sending her only son into the ravages of war and facing the possibility that he might never come home.

And when I read those, I'd never thought about it that way. I agreed with you. Like, you know, my issues with Empire aside, I can see the purpose of the military and the cost trade analysis. But I never thought about the emotional parts of…I’ve thought about the emotional parts of repairing soldiers when they come home, you know, loving on them, but never the emotional trauma that it caused to my spouse.

So I'm wondering if you can break that apart a bit if you're comfortable with kind of how that changed you or how that changed your marriage or the way that you see, you know, military as a whole?

Karl 35:32

Yeah, I have relatives that have served in World War Two and Vietnam. I have a brother that was in the Navy and brother in law that was in the Air Force and so the upmost respect for military personnel. But obviously my ideas of nationalism and things like that have changed over the past few years. You know, when you talk about, you know, for us sending our only son and he lives overseas, now. And that's traumatic enough for my wife, but send them in a place where he might be fighting for his life is, you know, deeply personal. But I don't remember if that’s the exact chapter where I also talked about that it seems to me that God sets over us—and look at a war like the Civil War—and has children on both sides. And I can't see that that's ever something that he would want. I can never imagine my children, I don’t like them even arguing but much less trying to hurt each other. When you begin to look at things like that as real people, it's not just a nation and who is right and who deserves or who doesn't deserve or who's the other. You know, in the end you begin to look at that as God would look at a child.

I would say that's where it began. Because I had this superficial kind of thing of I don't want to pay for college. Right? But then again my wife is much more in tune with her heart. And that's our son, you know? And he could die.

Seth Price 37:21

And you're worried about college!

Karl 37:23

And I'm worried about money and college, and it's always been that way. She's always been ahead of me in those kind of things. And it's kind of a deeply moving thing.

Seth Price 37:32

Yeah, I know. I don't know exactly what chapter I'm in, because I'm looking at electronic version here. But here's because I highlighted it. So one of the things that I like about the program that I used to read these is I can make notes I can just manually move back and forth, but I highlighted what you just touched on. So if it's alright with you, I'll read that. And so you basically said, you know,

Something changed in my view a few years ago. I had always accepted that violence was simply a reality of life. And I assumed that even God understood that we could only take so much. After all, even he is portrayed as an angry and retributive (God) at times. But Jesus didn't accept that suppose that reality when the empire encircled his world and promoted violence and conquests, he offered an alternative reality of peace.

And then you go on to say,

and slowly I'm beginning to accept that Jesus paradigm with all of its mystery, and uncertainty and paradox.

And then the next line is the one that impacted me the most,

…and I don't really have an end to that story.

which I think is a good way to say it. Like you have to sit with it's gonna it's gonna be uncomfortable until we're dead like this will not go away, right, our bent towards violence.

So yeah, I want to end our time with something much better. One of the favorite lines that you have in the book, and I want to end with Jesus is that you are not on a journey to prove the Bible. And I think that word prove is key. That you are on a journey simply to discover Jesus and so I'm curious what you mean by prove the Bible and I want to know what you have discovered in Jesus at least up to this morning?

Karl 39:05

I think I spent so much of my life and my “career” as a pastor of defending the things that I couldn't be certain about. Certainty was important, but they're in consistencies. And so I was spending my life trying to justify what I was certain about, defending the Bible, defending my beliefs. But found, you know, as Brad Jersak, and some of them would say, a more beautiful gospel that’s seen through the lens of Jesus. That said, love your enemies and turn the other cheek and, you know, all those things. Just finding kind of a more beautiful way that's less violent, not retributive, but restorative. And not only you know, have I found that as a philosophy or a doctrine for life, but it's also becoming very real in my life. At 54 beginning to experience, like we talked about before, real peace.

And living in a place of the book title is kind of what I didn't do it. But there's another person that did that book title. It's called Apparent Faith because it should have been apparent to me. It also plays on the word of a parent, you know, and becoming more real experiences faith that is genuine feeling the abject pneus of life sometimes and then I don't know how it's gonna turn out. Well, that's what faith is all about! You know, some of those things are becoming more and more real to me.

And I've had thoughts. I don't really deal with this in the book too much, but I had thoughts of just saying, you know, I'm just going to go to work and come home and forget about the rest of the world. Forget about my ministry. All those things. I don't even know how important it is to believe in God. But then what was compelling was a person of Jesus Christ that I couldn't get away from. Now is becoming not a doctrine I defend, or a religion I'm promoting—it is a relationship goes on between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and it's compelling me to that way, if that makes any sense? And walking in that way and living there is just much more beautiful. It's much more where I want to be for the second half of my life.

Seth Price 41:43

I like that. I think that's a beautiful way to wrap up of just you know, the call to not wanting to get something from God but just wanted to be with God and bring that everywhere that you happen to be.

So point people in the right place called. So where do they go to contact you, to engage with you? Where will they go as this book releases soon? You know, to get that how can I get their hands on it? Where are all of the places?

Karl 42:11

I mean, I'm most of my stuff through karlscoaching.com. That's from my blog is that's where my podcasts are. Now the Facebook page by that name. You mentioned Water to The ine. That's where I hang out most of the time. But the publisher’s Quoir.

Seth Price 42:31

Well thank you for your time this morning, Karl. I really enjoyed the conversation. I've enjoyed putting the voice behind the words that I read so often on Facebook, it's been good. It's been good to chat with you. I've enjoyed it.

Karl 42:39

Yeah, my pleasure in being here.

Seth Price 42:43

One of the things that I love best about Karl is the way that he writes helps me hold beauty in new light. I'm able to see beauty in both light and darkness realizing that both are created and both are equally beautiful. There's nothing to fear in the light. And Karl's writing reminds me of that, Karl’s stories remind me of that. As you come up against things that hurt. As you come up against cultures and contexts and lenses that don't seem to fit the narrative lean into Jesus. What you'll find there is a bending, not a breaking, and a mending of our soul, of our psyche, and of our faith.

Today's music is from Justin Jarvis-beautiful music. You'll find links to him in the show notes. I wish you all a fantastic day and I'll talk to you next week.